Consulate Appointment

We had our consulate appointment yesterday, which is basically the US saying it is ok for Jaden to come in the country.  At this point it seemed a little anti-climactic.  :)  We got to the US Consulate, which all US adopted kids have to go through, and went through crack security ("You have any electronics?  No? Keep moving."), then hung out with about 20 other adopting famiies until we all swore in together that we haven't lied on our applicaton and then went up one family at a time.  They reviewed our paperwork, stamped our paper and said "Congratulations, you can leave now."


The hardest part of the whole thing was that we were again in a setting with lots of other famiies with bored/scared/mad kids.  Jaden seemed very worried and when we finally left, he let go of all that anxiety in temper.  He SCREAMED for about 10 minutes straight in the van.  Wow!  He has some lungs!  The guide said "Lots of thunder without rain means just temper."  and then, "when no rain and the thunder moves out, the weather is pretty again."  He was so right; when we got back to the hotel, Jaden's mood was back to normal.  

We had made plans to go to Shamian Island with some of the other families today but with Jaden's meltdown, Tim thought a quiet afternoon would do him some good.  I went ahead and the left them to have some guy time.  I was "Ayi" for the afternoon.   We ate at a place called "Cow and Bridge" and were offered fried intestines.  Sadly, I had to decline and stuck to fried rice and spring rolls which were delightful.  I got to experience the subway system at rush hour.  Whoa, I think there were literally more people in the subway station than Okmulgee's entire population.  It was organized chaos.  Very clean and people were generally great.  I was being Auntie since I hadn't bought much and my hands were free.  The benefit there was that on every leg some polite gentleman gave up his seat for me and my little friend Evie.  :)  I was exhausted and ready to get back to the hotel by the end.  I was welcomed home with a giant grin, a loud "Mama!", and a running hug when I walked in our room.

Jaden continues to test boundaries but most of the time accepts re-direction well.  He has the cutest, "I'm about to do something that you probably don't want me to do" smile.  Even when he was buzzed by the liquid crack of some chinese kids-drink (our fault not his--I should have known that anything good enough to suck down 2 containers in 2 minutes flat was probably sugar filled) he went to bed when asked.  

We'll be glad to get home.  I think that Jaden will settle in just fine but prayers are gratefully accepted.  

Blessings!

One week later (Tim's random musings) part 2

Alright, let's keep going shall we?

More random thoughts / observations, in no logical format:

Love communicates without using Mandarin, English, Wu dialect, etc.

My wife is awesome!

Jaden loves to laugh.

One of the things that we had been worried about was figuring out what in the world Jaden would eat.  His first meal with us was dinner and we went to a buffet so he could pick out what he wanted ... he wanted everything.  I thought to myself that there was no way he would eat all of the various foods he picked, but he did.  This continued for the next 2-3 days.  But since then he has started changing his eating habits.  He will shake his head no now for certain foods on the buffet, and if he has something on his plate that he decides he does not want then he won't eat it.  The first few meals we figured out that we had to get smaller portions because if it was on his plate he was going to eat all of it!

Part of this new eating approach is due to the fact that he now realizes that he has some choice in what he eats, but I suspect that the other part is due to the fact that if he did not eat a meal in the orphanage then he was out of luck until the next time they planned to give food.  Sorry Charlie, no access to on-demand snacks there.

One of the huge issues for many many orphanage kids when they join their forever family is related to food, and because of this most families make food available at all times until the children know that they are not going to go hungry.  For some kids this is a lifelong issue.  (There was a famous actor who had an impoverished childhood who, even after making it big in the movies and being a star, always carried a candy bar in his suitcoat pocket so he would never be without access to food.)

Anyway, this "always have snacks available" philosophy goes contrary to how we approached food with our kids because we wanted to enforce healthy-ish mealtimes, but we are sticking with the plan and will modify slowly over time as Jaden realizes that he never has to go hungry again.

Jaden has lots of energy!  No matter how long the day is or how much walking we do, or whether he gets tired for a while, he always bounces back with enthusiasm ... he loves to do a run-skip gait and when he can't get us to go fast he swings his arms and legs like a toy soldier doing a military march (controlled, pretty military march I might add)

Love wins

He has a mischievous look when he is testing boundaries ... he will get a grin on his face and look at you from the corner of his eyes.  But he (almost) always takes re-direction well.

I am older than I was when my first two children were three.
I act younger than I did 2 weeks ago.

Jaden likes to run / laugh / skip / spin me in circles.  He likes to go up and down escalators.  He likes to walk up and down stairs and tries to take each step up with alternating feet, no matter how big the step might be.  He likes to take a jump down from the last step.

He can say more and more words in English every day.

He was scared when we went for his medical appointment, and ecstatic when we came back to the hotel room that day ... I think he expected to go for another surgery, having had two previously when going to a medical clinic.

Jaden likes to share ... food, snacks, toys.

Adopted children are drawn to people who speak their language.  I wish I had known that he would understand so much Mandarin ... I would have spent more time on language that would help us communicate with him and less time learning how to order Roasted Duck, learning how to say the days of the week, or learning how to say that I am an American.

Love wins

God is good.

I am going to regret not being able to sleep tonight when Jaden wakes in a few hours and wants full attention for another (glorious) day

One week later (Tim's random musings) part 1

It is hard to believe that one week has already gone by.
It is hard to believe that only one week has gone by.

One week ago tonight Jaden slept between his baba and his mama for the first time.

We had traveled halfway around the world following the call of our son, led by the voice of our Savior.  We did this with the full support and blessing of our first two chidren, Laura and Mitch, who have been onboad and supportive throughout this entire process.  We did this with the fore-knowledge of my mother, who told us after we had started this process that she had foreseen it two and a half months earlier.  We did this after seeing a powerful form of Christian discipleship displayed by other adoptive families in our community.  We did this with the blessing and support of our church.  We did this not knowing how Jaden would react to being taken away from everything that he ever knew.  We did this not knowing what conditions he was living in at the time.  We did this having already fallen in love with a 3 1/2 year old boy from a different culture, a boy we had only seen in pictures and only had limited information about but yet somehow we knew was our son (reference Savior comment above).

Jaden's Gotcha Day was Monday, January 21st.  I had worried that perhaps I would not feel love for this child when I actually met him, that perhaps I just thought that we were led to him but that maybe we really weren't, that perhaps I had built up this idea of being his father but that it would not seem real when we were together.  We got to the Civil Affairs office about 30-40 minutes before he arrived, and we anxiously looked at every vehicle that pulled up to the gate.  Our guide told us that the van he would be in would have a license plate that did not start with the letter A (since vehicle tags staring with "A" indicated a vehice from Nanjing, and he was coming from the tiny village of Haimen City (population one million)).

As each car would pull up, one of us would announce "nope, it's an A tag".  Finally we saw one that did not start with A, and we both leaned towards the windows trying to see in to the vehicle, but we could not.  When someone got out and opened the trunk we saw a suitcase, and said "nope, that's not him" (We did not know that the orphanage director, Jaden's Ayi, and another person from the orphanage would have to stay in Nanjing overnight so that they could finish their part of the paperwork on Tuesday).  But then we saw him, and all of my concerns about whether this was my child were gone!!  Even before we started talking about adopting from China, I had always wondered if adoptive parents could really love their adopted child like they loved a biological child.  Ask me how I feel about that now!  Love, love, love, love, love!

He walked in to the office and I could not believe that we were in the same room.  He was scared (who wouldn't be) and withdrawn, but his orphanage folks were very helpful.  Jaden had the photo album and pillow with our photos on it that we had sent him, and they pointed to them and told him that we were his baba and mama.  Of course to him that only was words, and I wondered even then how long it would take him to realize what that meant. As it turns out, he seems to have figured it out quite nicely in just a few days!

I won't recap the entire week that has occured since then, but I do have some observations / thoughts, most of which will be in random free thought form.

What kinds of things become treasures to a 3 year old orphan, treasures that he would gather every night to make sure he still had, treasures that he would put in a large bag to keep safe?   His early treasures included a small plastic fork (still brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it), an empty cookie container, the directions to a baby carrier that has pictures of caucasians in it that he would stare at, a Mandarin guidebook that he decided was his (including my handwritten notes on a sheet of paper that he would take out every time, look at, then carefully fold up and replace), the now-empty Donald Duck Pez dispenser that he gotten at Gotcha and had proceeded to share the candy with us, the Mickey Mouse crocs that he got to pick out as his own (a special lasting treasure that he wants to sleep in every night), the dumptruck that was the first thing that he got to pick out as his own, and the stacking spheres.

Every night Jaden would gather all of his stuff up and make sure it was all together.  Before coming to us he had no possessions, nothing that was really his (except for the photo book and pillow we had sent him and a backpack we had sent several months ago that was brand new when he got to us so he had never been allowed to use).

Jaden loves shoes.  He must get that from his mother!

Jaden enjoys music.  The second night with us he had difficulty getting to sleep, and since we were emotionally and physically exhausted we drifted in and out of sleep as he tried to go to sleep ... at one point he was singing a song of "baba, mama" as he lay between us.

He also likes to listen to music on the Ipod. or Ipad.    We have the Hillsong CD which is in Mandarin Chinese and I played that a lot especially the first few days, but he enjoys Animanacs music as well.

He has a nighttime voice which is a high pitched but very soft voice.  He uses his hands to stay awake, often reaching up to the ceiling and carrying on pretend conversations using his hands.

The first two nights he slept perfectly still and straight.  I assumed at the time that he was just a very deep sleeper, but since then he has begun rolling around in his sleep (his jie jie may have competition for who can mess up the sheets the most while asleep) ... in retrospect I suspect that this still, straight sleep style was partially due to being emotionally exhausted but perhaps moreso due to the fact that he has slept in a crib his entire life with no room for rolling around.  And his soft conversations between his hands likely was his form of entertainment when he could not get to sleep in the orphanage. but could not get out of the crib.

Love wins

Jaden learns quickly

Jaden has amazing fine motor skills, especially considering the lack of toys / interaction that he has had his whole life up until January 21st.

Love wins

Jaden quickly picks up what we are trying to communicate, whether it is praising him for cooperating or being helpful or sharing, or it is redirecting him to be gentle / careful, or it is to indicate to him what we are asking him to do.  He does have times of frustrations, however, when we don't understand him but who wouldn't ... He has to wonder why we know some Mandarin words but cannot understand what seems like basics to him.  One of our challenges there, though, is that some of his language is Mandarin (he does know much more Mandarin than we were led to believe) but a good portion of what he used in everyday living was the Wu dialect, which even Mandarin speakers don't understand.  As I mentioned above, he loves his shoes and counts them as a treasure.  Well, the day after we bought them for him he was asking for something and we did not understand ... he got more and more frantic and upset.  Our guide happened to come by for some paperwork stuff and she asked him what he was wanting.  It ends up the word he uses for shoes is used "by rural farmers to mean shoes" per our guide ... umm, we didn't know that word!

As an aside, once he is in bed for a nap or for bedtime he won't go get something even if he is distraught that we don't understand him (like for the shoes, for example) ... again I suspect this is learned behavior from the orphanage ... once you are in the crib you are there and you are not getting out until it is time to get out.

After 4-5 days, Jaden started expanding his horizons, both behaviorally (checking to see how we would react to behaviors / actions that he knew he shouldn't being doing) and then physically (trying to walk a little further away from us to see how far he could get and still feel safe (incidentally, as he got more comfortable I got more worried ... I mean, it would not do well to lose your child in a city of 16 million people) )

This blog program is being crazy, so I am going to split this into two entries ... to be continued.

Safari Park

We went to the Safari Park today and it was incredible!  Jaden had the best time.  He was hopping and skipping and giggling pretty well non-stop.  His favorite was the Lao hu (tigers), the pandas were a distant second and I would say that the elephants (da xiang) and feeding the giraffe got honorable mention.  :)
He is not at all afraid of the animals although there was a Jurassic area that he was not thrilled with.  Tim said he was scared too!  :)
The park was truly beautiful and the animals just spectacular.  There were dozens of white tigers and 10 full grown pandas.  Lots of baby animals, giraffe, zebra, elephant, panda, hippo, and of course tigers were all a hit.

The Medical Clearance and "Jaben"

Jaden made it through the medical exam!  Yea!
Yesterday was a big day and a day we had been dreading.  All adopting families in China have to go through Guangzhou to finalize everything and part of that is the medical exam.

In Nanjing, Jaden's province, we saw the occasional adopting family.  I think that there were about 4 families although we really didn't get to know the 2 families from other agencies.  Here in GZ, it is amazing to see all of the children finding their forever families!  The hotel that we are in is GIANT, think Vegas in an Asian way.  The hotel staff put all of us in the same area of the dining room for the breakfast buffet and it is pretty cool to see all of the families.  It is amazing how well all of the kids do here.  You see the expected spilled foods and temper tantrums but no worse than you would see in any kid friendly buffet in the US.  What is different is the amount of special need kiddos.  Basically every special need you can imagine is represented in the dining room.  (Just a thought, but it would make a great field trip for pediatric residents if anyone at OSU is listening.  Maybe a new requirement for Pediatric or Family Practice residents could be a China adoption, hehe.  Think of the boost of adoptions.)  Anyway, sorry for that random wandering.
The buffet itself is pretty funny too.  The assortment is great for the kiddos strikes this American tummy as rather bizarre.  You can have congee (hmm, think of a watery cross between grits and oatmeal), broiled fish, baked beans, corn on the cob in milk, olive ham loaf, fish chowder with noodles, toast, pancakes, cabbage rolls, deep fried bacon, doughnuts, melon and eggs boiled in tea--all for breakfast.   What is Jaden going to think of oatmeal and toast when we get home?

Jaden started getting anxious at breakfast when he saw all the other kids for the first time.  I have no way of knowing what he was thinking but it didn't seem to be comforting to him.  The other kids themselves weren't bothering him, it made me wonder if he thought he was being brought to some new, albeit fancy, orphanage.  It was the first meal that he hasn't eaten like a trucker.  He actually ate very little and drank next to nothing.  I was trying to over-hydrate him so the blood draw I knew was coming would be easier on him.

We got on a bus with 7 other families from our agency and he crawled up into my lab and stared out the window.  This was also different for him as, since daddy had saved him from the crazy SWI people, he was the definite favorite.  When we got to the medical clinic it was CHAOS!!!  Every family adopting last week in the entire country was there.  Again, incredible to see this many kids with their parents but wow, lots of people trying to get through 4 medical stations at the same time.  No sign in, no take a number, just figure it out.  The rules just changed in the last week or so and now the Tb test is not the skin prick but is a blood draw.  Ugh.  That is what I was dreading.  What I hadn't considered is that Jaden has probably only been to the hospital twice in his life and both of those ended with long painful stays after surgery.  He decided that this was way too much like that and when we had to take his clothes off  for the exam, he was obviously scared and unhappy.  Tears abounded.  The doctors were all friendly enough and seemed very efficient.  The last step was the blood draw and this was not a happy momma when they wouldn't let me come back with him.  When he came out he was being carried and his little face was covered in tears but there only appeared to be one band-aid so that was good.  He wanted his momma.  He stayed in my arms for probably 30 minutes or so before he finally  had to "da chi" and for that he wants daddy.  (Tim says he has seen every bathroom in China so far!)

  He was crazy happy when we got back to the room.  Like run in place, happy dance, squeal in delight happy!  It was precious.  I really think the worst is behind us now.  I think when he made it through that and we were there at the end, I think he finally realized he was ours for good.  It was shortly after naptime that he I and wandered out to find the playroom and a random Chinese lady aske him, "Ni jiao shenma mingze" and he answered proudly "Jaben!" and looked over at me with a big grin.  :)

Orphanage visit part two.

The visit to the kids area was very, very difficult for me.  When we got up to that floor my first "umm" moment was when we had to be keyed and buzzed in.  The doors made me think of prison doors with their heavy metal, floor to ceiling bars.  You could hear kids in the background making unintelligible sounds.  Of course most Mandarin is unintelligible to me but this didn't sound a whole lot like words.  Tim was videoing and I had the basket of snacks and bracelets we had brought for the ones that were to be left behind.  When we got into the main kids area, there were about 10-12 kids, all boys except perhaps one little girl.  They seemed to range in age from 3 to 12 ish.  One little guy was very happy to see Jaden, it is the little guy with hydrocephalus that we always noticed was sitting next to Jaden in the pictures.  He pretty quickly retreated though and mostly just sat and grieved after initial hugs.  Every child in the room was special need.  Apparently at Jaden's SWI, they foster out all of the "normal" kids and keep only those that can't go out or go to school.  There are often preschool/school programs in the SWI's in China but his doesn't have anything like that.  The kids in Jaden's group were mostly severely autistic, severe CP, Down's syndrome and MR.  One child who may have been blind, stood in the corner and banged his head on the counter the whole time we were there.  The little guy with hydrocephalus is the only independently functional child in the room now.  I understand better why Jaden didn't seem to be affected by being beaned with a toy.  I expect as low functioning/high need as the others in the room are, Jaden was used to it.  I was so...I don't even know what emotion to say here...upset, frustated, angry, pained...to see what Jaden has lived in for his entire life.  It just makes me so frustrated that they think that because Jaden has a urogenital need that he was considered unadoptable and they felt didn't "deserve" to be fostered.   It makes no sense to be angry, I know that everything that happened led him to us, perhaps if he had been in foster care, he wouldn't have been listed at the exact time he needed to be for us to see him.  He is with his forever family now and I know that is the important thing but he would have thrived with a foster family, I hate that he didn't get that chance for one on one attention as a little guy.  He had no educational toys to play with, no crayons to learn to scribble.  Nothing.  There was exactly ONE toy in the entire room, a physical therapy ball, and a bolted-to-the-ceiling television set. There were a few posters on the wall but otherwise it was a  clean, barren room.  I think about how much Laura and Mitch loved all of the fun things we did with them and it hurts to know that Jaden had none of that positive interaction.

As soon as Jaden  saw the TV, he was transfixed.  He just stood there and ignored the chaos around him and watched cartoons.  The caregivers said that he loves TV.  There were 5 caregivers for the dozen ish kids and let me tell you, even with that many, they had their hands full.  I was unwrapping and giving each child a snack and they were obviously happy to have them.  When they noticed that Jaden was ignoring us along wth the rest of the room, they told our guide that he would probably be happy to stay here instead of going home with us as long as he had a TV.  What they did next had Tim seeing red (ok, who reading this has ever even seen Tim irritated?  It is pretty difficult to hit that trigger on him.).  They turned to Jaden and pulled his attention away from the TV and told him that Mama and Baba were going to leave him here afterall since he wanted to watch TV.  When Jaden when ballistic, we asked what had happened and our guide interpreted for us.  Ugh.  How to tell them that we don't find threatening abandonment even a little funny?  Tim picked him up and did his best to comfort him but at that point we had had enough and asked to leave.  Jaden was still screaming at this point and they were all trying to take him from Tim.  Tim is tall enough that he just lifted Jaden out of their reach and kept pretending he didn't understand what they wanted.  We pretty quickly got to the van.

  Next on the agenda was Jaden's finding spot.  He was found in the Fuxing Apartment complex.  Fuxing apprently means, "one who rises from despair."  That is a very hopeful sentiment for a very hopeless place.  It was so sad.  Tim chose not to get out of the van as Jaden had just settled down.  Obviously, he wouldn't have know the meaning of the place but even without knowing that it was his place of abandonment, it was pretty bleak.
With all of the emotion that colored the visit.  I have to say on the positive side of things that they obviously care for the kids and seem very patient with them.  The kids were clean and well clothed.  I think that the malnourishment we see may be the lack of variety of foods, it is hard to tell.  Under his many layers of clothing, Jaden is a bean pole.  I imagine  that he was pretty well left to feed himself, the vast majority of the others would certainly need to be fed.  He is definitely not a picky eater and in fact the only thing I have seen him actually refuse is asparagus.
I can pray that his early experiences are used in some good way by God.  I know that it has made him very accepting of differences.  We have a 2 little girls with significant facial differences in our group and Jaden doesn't even seem to notice.  I saw other kids staring and heard one little guy ask the dad what was on his little girls face.  (The dad handled it with grace and said she had a booboo that they would take care of when she got home.)  Jad seems oblivious to differences.  He (generally) shares beautifully with other kids, even things that he holds precious.  He doesn't act put out when Tim or I give our attention to the other kids.  In some ways he seems much more grown up than other 3 year olds and in some ways seems behind.  What is obvious is that he is a bright, caring young man that will eventually know that he is loved forever.

The orphanage visit (part 1)

How to even begin?  This was absolutely one of the hardest days of my life.  I will put what I can in words but I can't really begin to get the feelings of the day across.
We got up early because the orphanage is about 4 hours away and we were supposed to be there by 11 or so.  We had to pack with 8 hours of travel with an active 3 year old in mind.  We whittled down what we needed to A SUITCASE and 2 backpacks.  :)  Yes we were only going to be gone about 10 hours total.   I realized later that Jaden may have been thinking that he was being returned.  We had asked our guide to explain to him several times already that this was the day that we would visit but that he would be with us forever and this would only be a visit but I'm not sure that he really believed that.  We found out during the course of our visit at the orphanage that the head Ayi takes Jaden home every weekend to live with her and so his time with us must have seemed much like one of those "passes" out of the orphanage.  Fun, food and games but ultimately never permanent.
Jaden travelled very well for a 3 year old.  He loved watching the trucks fly past us and loved it even more when we flew past other cars.  He would scream "kan, baba; kan!"  (look, daddy, look!)  My American-self just tried not to freak too much at letting a 3 year old have the run of the the vehicle.  There are no car seats in China that I have seen and no lab belts either.  He is going to have such a rude awakening on the way home from the airport!
When we got to Haimen City, he got very solemn and like a little turtle, pulled back into his shell.  Haimen is a "little village" of over a million people, so even once we arrived there it took quite a while to get to the SWI, (orphanage).  When we pulled up, several of them were standing at the gate waiting on us.  I had to wonder how long they had been standing there?  Jaden just looked at us with big eyes.  All of the caregivers (Ayis) came running and calling out his name.  He smiled and hugged them and was passed one to another until all had hugged him and checked his clothes to be sure we had dressed him warmly enough!
The director took us to his office and he had a buffet of fruit laid out for us.  Fruit is so very expensive here, I know this was a great gesture of hospitality.  Jaden ate something that looked like an eyeball once it was peeled to me, maybe some of my more China educated friends can help out on what it was, and loved it.  Mr. Shi offered Tim a cigarette and gave us both some green tea.  Then came the best moment of the day.  He brought out Jaden's birth note!  I was thrilled!  They had told us at adoption day that they weren't sure where it was but would look.  It was a small note on red paper that we are told says that they hope someone with kindness in their hearts will be able to adopt and take care of their child.  I just looked at that note and couldn't imagine the pain and desperation they must have been feeling to have had to write that and pin it on their 12 day old child.  I feel so blessed to have the note to be able to show him one day that he has been loved by two sets of parents, even though only one was able to keep and care for him.

This was the easy part of the visit but I'm going to stop here for now.  My sweet son just woke up and shined his flashlight on me.  I think that means "come play"!  :)

Officially one less!

Allow me to introduce Jaden Christopher Sanford!  As of yesterday, he is officially ours.  The three of us all put our right thumbprint in red on the Chinese documents that made it offical.  When the time came, Jaden was excited to put his thumbprint on the paper.  (Of course it could be that he is ALL BOY and that was a potentially messy experience, not that he knew that made him our son.)  :)

He did very well at the civil affairs office.  I was worried that seeing the SWI folks would set him back some.  He had such a great day, I hated to mess it up by reminding him of what/whom he had lost.  He seemed to take it all in stride though.  Of note, while we were waiting for our turn, we did have a funny experience.  We had been told to bring 2 gifts the day before, one for the SWI director and one for his caregiver who would also be there.  Well, they brought 3 people.  I don't know who the 3rd was but he obviously cares for Jaden.  I felt bad that we didn't have him a gift.  We brought one for him yesterday, since we knew he would probably be there again.  They all drove the 3-4 hours to be there and had stayed overnight since the civil affairs apointment was the next day.  Anyway when we got there, he was standing by the wall but didn't really acknowledge us.  We waited and few minutes and I sent Tim over to give it to him.  He speaks no English and our Chinese is limited and so Tim told him Jaden slept well and gave him the gift.  He gave Tim a perplexed smile and laughingly took the gift.  About 15 minutes later, the SWI directed, the caregiver and the other man all 3 came in from the parking lot.  Oops, we had given a random man a gift.  What do you do at that point?  I got tickled about it everytime I saw him over the next hour or so and in fact am giggling again thinking about it.
After civil affairs, we went to the mall and he wanted some books (he chose mostly animal books, I think his room will be a big hit!) and some Mickey Mouse crocs.   Then we wandered around an 8 level mall trying to find a Papa John's we had seen previously.  I had a thought as we wandered lost, this must be how guys feel all the time, genetically being unable to ask for directions.
He did pretty well being told "no" when he wanted things at the mall.  He seems very content with what he has.
Last night, I had a wonderful glimpse into the sweet side of his nature.  We had dinner in the executive lounge with our friends and their  just adopted daughter who is just 23 months old.  We had Jadens favorite toys in my backpack because of our trip to the mall and when the kids were done eating, I broke out the toys so the adults could continue to eat and the kiddos wouldn't be bored.  Jaden was awesome with Emmi!  Even when she beaned him on the head with his car, he picked it up and handed it back to her.  No muss, no fuss.  He shared his much loved toys in a sweet way, not in an "adults are watching, I have to share" kind of way.  It was awesome to see.

I know he knew something was different, he went to bed and sang "mama, baba" in his precious little-boy voice for about 30 minutes.

Well done, God. :)

It is 3 in the morning in China and I am having the distinct pleasure of listening to the gentle snores of both of my guys.  :)

Since I had a little down time I though I'd share a little of our first 18 hours.
When we got back to the room, he looked around and was very solemn for the first bit.  He has a very  thoughtful expression that he uses when we don't understand him.  He played with us with his ball and his truck but especially loves his stacking toy.  It is 8 or ten 1/2 balls in graduated sizes.  It can be put together in about 1000 ways and he has tried all of them.  ;)  He would occasionally stop and rub his elephant's ear for comfort.

After his nap, he was happy and seemed pretty relaxed.  His fear seemed pretty well resolved.  We got to our first bout of tears whe we couldn't understand what "da shi" meant.  Apparently that means "my bladder is about to pop, please help me to the potty"  or at least something similar.  The guide Jin, happened to be here but apparently he wasn't using Mandarin as she had no idea.  That frustrated him even worse that someone who usually understood didn't.  She called the SWI folks and they explained.  Potty was reached in time, tears gone, crisis averted.  :)

We went to dinner with Alain, Andrew and Emmi in the hotel restaurant as we thought a buffet would probably make it easier to find something the littles would eat.  We shouldn't have worried.  When we were getting food for Jaden, Tim would ask him "Yao?" ("want?"), and literally everything we asked Jaden if he wanted he nodded yes to let us know he wanted it ... Tim was skeptical that he would eat all the different things, but Jaden was right.  (Although admittedly we did not ask if he wanted any of the "pig heart and lung soup" or the "chop the snail" dish.)  If we put it in front of him, he ate it.  Jaden ate:  funky green beans with something unidentifiable in it, white rice, fried rice, noodles, orange slices, watermelon wedges, corn, shrimp,  grilled fish, spiral pasta with green peppers, french fries, crinkle fries, hmm it seems like I'm missing some but you get the point.  He literally ate every grain of rice (and everything else) that we put on his plate.  We had to distract him as we removed our plates as he was wanted to clear ours as well.

It sort of breaks my heart.  This child is skin and bones under his clothes.  It is clearly not an issue of what he is willing to eat.  I know that some orphanages really struggle to come up with the funds to take care of everything; I really don't want to think that my son has not had enough to eat.  And it was not an issue of care, either.  He was clearly loved by the caregivers who brought him to us, he clearly has been read to (based on how he handled his book with us), and the fact that he knew what an elephant is indicates that someone has spent time with him reading / teaching, so it is not an issue of neglect.

The meal was the turning point.  After that, he thought everything was hilarious.  It's amazing what a full tummy can do!

He gave us probably an hour of full belly laughs.  We gave him a bath as he seemed interested in the tub, and he LOVED IT!!!  He splashed and laughed and then did both some more.  He splashed me and that was even funnier!  I love this kid!   We sat on the potty and with his new toothbrush (Thanks Jenny Warren!)  he happily opened up and let us brush.   Walking from the tub with my little burrito wrapped boy, I got my first kiss.  He planted a big wet kiss on my cheek.  Sweet boy.

When we got back to the bed and dressed, he showed a little more of his sense of humor; it went something like this...

Looking at his photo album of our family,
Jaden:  Zhege ma? (pointing at Tim's pic)
Tim:  Baba
Jaden:  (big smile and moving on to the pic of Laura)  Zhege ma?
Tim:  JieJie (sister)
Jaden:  (big smile and moving on to Mitch's pic)  Zhege ma?
Tim:  Gege (big brother)
Jaden:  (big grin, pause look at me and then sly smile)  Zhege ma? (pointing at my pic)  '
Tim:  Mama
Jaden:  Bu, zhege NaiNai!!  (No, grandma!!)  giant roll on the bed belly laugh.  :)

Funny, funny boy.   Is it to soon for a time out?  Kidding, Kidding...\

Then we had book time.  We were all together on the bed and he looked at a little dark skinned boy in the book and said Jaden and at a pale woman in the book and said Mama.  :)  Stellar moment.

As he started to wind down he held his stuffed elephant and played with it for a few minutes, then drifted on off to sleep holding it.  He has been sleeping soundly for almost eight hours now!  I expect when he wakes we will hear "da shi" again (at least I hope we do!!)

All in all a blessed day ... tears at times, which lets us know that he was loved, tender moments, appropriate fears, lots of laughs, and sweet snuggle time.

When Tim woke up Monday his thoughts were something along the lines of "Well, God, You brought us here and now it's up to You" ... well done, God, well done!

Well, he is still sleeping so back to snuggle time.  :)

Gotcha!!

I'll post much more later but for now, know that we have our little guy and he is doing very well.  Tears at first as expected but doing very well now.
Since Jaden and Baba are sleeping, I can post a little more info.  We got to the Civil Affairs office with a few minutes to spare and set down all of our stuff.  Both families had backpacks with clothes if needed, snacks and toys; we both also had cameras and files of paperwork.  It was a little chaotic.
:)
Alaina's little one came almost immediately, maybe 3-4 minutes after we got there.  Tim and I both tried to help with the taking pictures.  We were both crying like babies.  Between pictures, I would run look out the window to see if there was another van coming yet.  They were about 20 minutes or so late.  I fully expected that as they are 3.5 hours away and it was only 9:30 am.  Poor guy, I know he got up really early.  Once everything was pretty settled with Alaina's little one, Jaden showed up!  He was with the orphanage director, a caregiver and another guy.  They were talking to Jaden and they said "Mama and Baba."  Jaden wasn't sure he was too impressed with that yet.  I used the oldest trick in the book and pulled out a sucker.  That was enough to let him come sit in my lap.  He thoroughly enjoyed his sucker.  Once he finished that, he got a little weepy and wanted to go back to the caregiver but when I pulled out his disney cars he got happy again.  He is all boy!  The most fun of all is when you crash the two cars together!  :)  He also enjoyed pulling the cars back and letting them race to his elephant.  After all the paperwork and pictures were completed it was time to go.  We asked the SWI people to tell him goodbye so Jaden knew that they knew we were taking him.  He was very upset as we left.  He cried most of the way to Wal-mart.  We pulled out our next trick, a Donald Duck Pez dispenser.  He stopped crying and was fascinated with food coming out of the ducks neck.  He fed me a pez and Tim one as well.  That made this momma happy.  He already has some idea about taking care of others and sharing.  He gave me a few giggles when  Donald pretended to eat the sucker Jaden didn't want.  After that he never really got weepy again.  We went in to WM to get some noodles for the room and some things to take to the orphanage as a donation.  They requested snacks and diapers.  We found out that the orphanage is tiny!  Many of them have hundreds of kids, (Alaina said her daughter's SWI has 40 just in her age group!) his only has about 10 kids that live at the orphanage.  They have about 15 or so that are being fostered as well.  They said that most of the kids at the orphanage are special need of some sort.  When we got to the toy aisle, he got happy.  Wo yao!  (I want).  I told him that he could have one toy ( thru charades) and he seemed to understand.  He decided he wanted the yellow truck.  I was happy to see that he knows his colors.  He seems very smart and has an incredibly long attention span.  He laughed about the cup we tried to give him.  It is a sippy cup and apparently he uses regular cups at the SWI.  He has enjoyed the stacking toy that we brought.  He spent a solid hour playing with it.  We got him to eat a little Ramen noodles for an actual meal and he did well.  We pulled him up on the bed and laid him between us with his elephant and his truck and he played with his truck until, and for a minute or so after, he fell asleep.  It was very cute.  Who knows what will happen when he wakes from his nap but I feel so incredibly blessed!  My little man knows we are mama and baba.  He will grieve for his caregivers, you can tell he is very attached but that is ok.  We would have worried had there been no tears at all.
Tomorrow we go back and meet with them again; we have to sign the official paperwork at that point.  Tomorrow we will be asked if we still want to adopt him and if the answer is yes, the world will officially have "one less."

Nanjing Wall with Pictures

Today we got to discover more of Nanjing's history and beauty.  We met up with Alaina and Andrew Falk for this adventure.  They will share Gotcha day with us tomorrow with their beautiful daughter, Emmi.  She is so precious and I'm thrilled that I get to be part of their big day, too.
In order to keep our trip from being any longer than it already is, we decided to skip Beijing.  The main thing that I was wanting to see there was the Great Wall.  When Mitch came home from his China trip this summer, he was full of stories about how incredible it is to see.  Doing some study, we learned about the City Wall of Nanjing.  It is the largest city wall still standing and the main 5 tiered gate is still funtional.  I've been told that the wall is actually some taller and wider than the Great Wall but obviously MUCH shorter.  I am so glad we got to see it.  It is just amazing.  They estimated that originally several billion, with a b, bricks were used.  I found it fascinating that each brick was hand made and signed with the name, date and province of the maker.  They were held personally accountable if the brick failed.  Yikes, I bet they were each well made.  I'm not sure you would want to fail the emperor in those days.
After that we walked around with our guide, Jin.  It was pretty funny.  She steered us to the right places to eat or to shop.  For example, when someone tried to show us rock from the Yangtze river, she said "Don't listen to him, those aren't real."  She then showed us others in his shop that were cheaper and were real.  She showed us a shop to get a delicious snack of candied strawberries on a stick, yumm...Later she took us to a restaurant frequented by locals and helped us order dumplings.  There was no English to be found, I was very glad she did the ordering.  The dumplings are not pretty but, wow, they were delicious.  It could have been that we were all ready for food but either way, we loved them.  :)
It was a wonderful way to pass a day that otherwise would have seemed to have lasted forever.  In just 16 hours, we'll have Jaden.  :)
  It was pretty smoggy out but that made it all seem more mystical.  In one of the caves that the warriors used to hide in to surprise the enemy, someone was playing saxaphone.  It really fit the atmosphere.  Enjoy the following pictures.  They probably don't really do the area justice.

dumplings, not Kirby's but delicious

Nanjing, Jiangsu

I've just realized that we are in CHINA!  Hehe.  I mean, really, I know that we are here but yesterday walking around really made we realize how far away from home we are.  I took almost no pictures and mostly just soaked it in.  We really enjoyed people watching.  Several people stopped and did a double take when they saw us, very funny!  Not that Tim stands out at all, a 6'3" very pale white man with a biggish nose.  (Okay, not really but comparatively. )  I loved watching some of the school girls we saw nudge each other and casually turn around and walk back toward us to get another look.  Several giggled and said a very accented "Hello"  Loved it.   Tim and I both found ourselves watching the little boys, wondering if he was Jaden's age or size, and also watching the teen boys, wondering if Jaden will look something like that as he gets older.
All that to say, I am a terrible blogger.  We are in a beautiful place and only got a handful of pics.  I'll post what I have and will try to do better today.  We are going to the City Wall today.  Our guide is from Nanjing and is very proud of her city.  I expect she will have lots to tell us.

We are staying in the heart of the "old city" and much of the architecture is pretty traditional.  We can see the high rises from our windows too.  It is an interesting juxtaposition of old and new.

Zaijian!

T minus 40 hours

Tim's input for the day

We have had a day of continuing to adjust to the new time zone and trying to get our minds around the concept that Jaden will be with us soon.

The day started with a mini-picnic in the room at 4 AM local time (2 PM body time) consisting of crackers and left-over chicken, and has continued through the day as we stop trying to think about what time it is at home and we try to get our bodies onto the new schedule in preparation for Monday.

We are scheduled to meet Jaden at 9:30 AM Monday, which means that we are now less than 40 hours away!

We have been selecting a few toys and snacks to bring with us to Gotcha Day and have been sorting his clothes that we brought with us.  Fortunately we brought several coat options, because we will have to keep him well bundled in public. This is necessary to prevent concerned Chinese people from descending on us to educate us about the dangers of children not being dressed warmly enough.

We had heard plenty abou the Chinese tendency to bundle up their kids in many many many many  layers in the belief that this will prevent illness.  We got to see that in action today on the streets of Nanjing as we walked along the river and through the markets.  Some of the kids had so many layers that they literally could not bend their arms.  And yet some of them have split pants, with selected body parts (which I would think would be especially susceptible to the cold) just hanging out ... rather odd.

I have to say, though, that it has been fun interacting with the Chinese people. They have all been very friendly and gracious.  There are definitely cultural differences, though.  My first experience with this was in the Nanjing airport where I realized that the "personal space bubble" of most Chinese people appears to be essentially non-existant!  There was lots of jostling at the baggage claim, none of which was in any way directed at me since everyone was pressing against everyone else.

Ordering food today at the counter was the same way.  It felt a lot like more like I was trying to maintain my position at a general admission rock concert than trying to pick up two chicken sandwiches.

We got a suprise today when we got an email with a few new pictures of Jaden.  The pictures are blurry and don't show the normal happy grin that we are used to seeing.  I know it has Tracy worried that Jaden is anxious about the coming changes.  Not to mention he apparently has had a recent (bad) haircut.  From the other pictures it looks like all of them had the same "barber" and so at least we know it wasn't because he was leaving.  ;)

Tonight we are going to go out and wander around the outdoor markets again, enjoying the freedom to look around ... because very soon our eyes will have to stay focused on a particular child!

Gotcha Time is set for Monday at 9:30 AM in Nanjing, which is 7:30 PM on Sunday in Oklahoma ... prayers prayers prayers please!



we

We made it to Hong Kong!

We're here!!!  It is Friday morning here in Hong Kong and it is very cool to be on the same time zone as Jaden!  The flights were very easy and other than that first blip of our OKC to LAX being broken, there were no problems at all.  I have to admit though, with each long wait in line, or wait for food or drinks or bumpy flight, I wondered how different the trip will be with a 3 year old with almost no world experience.  Wow, prayers please.  :)  Do you remember looking down at your very large belly when 9 months pregnant and thinking..."Um ok.  What have I gotten myself into?"  I'm thinking the flight home may be a little like that journey.  Wonderful outcome with some painful hours in the beginning.

I can't believe that Jaden only has 3 nights left in his orphanage!  Isn't that an incredible thought?

Tim's writings / thoughts for the day: As we were sitting in the airport in LA last night I was thinking about distances and how amazing it is to be able to travel such distances to get our son!

  At the start of the journey we were 11,589 miles away from Jaden

  By Wed night in LA we were down to 10,445 miles 

  Well, right now we are in Hong Kong and we are 764 miles away.   

  By this evening we should be in Nanjing and we will be 189 miles away.

  And Monday (Sunday night in Oklahoma) that distance will reduce to zero!

Every time we think about Jaden or talk about him we have to worry about how he will be feeling now and in the days to come.  While we have Christ's assurance that in the long run all will be well, Jaden does not have that assurance now. I have to wonder how I would react if someone came into my house and told me that I was moving to a new country, moving away from everyone I've ever know, moving to a new culture where every experience is new ... I can't imagine that I'd be in a great state of mind, or that I would be very happy to see them, or that I would be very much fun to be around ... and that would be looking at it from my perspective and life experiences as an adult.  I cannot begin to imagine what that may be like for him.

I did get a little bit of a boost from the Holy Spirit as we were going through the Honk Kong airport, of all places.  On the escalator there is a sign that says "Take care of children & the elderly."  Thanks God!  

Last minute piece of good news...

We are finishing up packing, printing all the papers that we need to bring with us, running through old to-do lists, and generally running around being a little crazy.  In the midst of all of the last bits of preparation, we got a wonderful piece of news.
The background on this news is that a few months ago, we sent a fruit party for the orphanage and a "forever family" gift for Jaden.  Usually when someone orders a package like that, the orphanage sends a few pictures to assure the gift-giver that it was all received.   We were told that he was going to have a party in December and that they would try to send pictures then.  Well it is, of course, January and we had never heard back and so I sent a follow up letter just asking if he had ever had his party.

This is what I got in response:

Hi Tracy, Can't believe you will be in China next week! So happy for you! We called the orphanage yesterday, the director knew you would visit them during your stay, they were excited.
They had a party for Jaden and took pictures for you. However, the staff in charge was in her biz trip, she will be back in a few days, we could only get the picture by then. The director said since you were going to visit the orphanage, it would be easier to use flash drive to download it directly, besides there are MANY other pictures of Jaden you could download too. Let us know if you wanna receive the farewell party pictures this week, then we'll try to contact the lady as soon as she returns. Thank you.
 




It is wonderful to know that the director is "excited" that we are coming.  Unfortunately, many of the orphanages do not allow, much less welcome visitors.  I have been pretty sure that I wanted to see where my son was raised for the first 44 months of his life.  I expect that it will be hard in some ways.  No matter how hard they want to try, an orphanage is just not a home.  It will hurt to see the institution that Jaden spent his toddler days and nights, I know this.  It may be too hard for Jaden to go back just days after saying goodbye to all he knows.  Some families choose not to take this risk and if our little guy is not adjusting well, we may decide that only one of us will make the trip.  I hope that he is able; I think it may be that first step to healing--to be able to say goodbye and see that he isn't being stolen but lovingly handed over. 


I am now hoping that maybe, just maybe, a part of Jaden's history may now be available to us.  I was saddened that I wouldn't have any true baby pictures to show Jaden as he grew.  The orphanage director sounds willing to give us what they do have and I am so hoping that they have kept some from when he was younger!  Ok, ok, I know that 3 isn't exactly ready to head off to college but I want those baby years back.  We have missed so much, his first smile, his first tooth and his first steps.  I want to be able to experience some of it, even if it is just in pictures.

BTW, we will be in the air in 15 hours!!!!

Zai jian, y'all

Tickets are purchased!

Tickets are purchased!  We are leaving Wednesday, which happens to be my birthday  :), and will get off the last leg of the flight on Friday afternoon! 

We will try to keep the blog up to date with the help of my awesome daughter.  :)  Please continue to pray for God to prepare Jaden's heart and to smooth our paths.
Blessings,
Tracy

Consulate Appointment! :)

At 4:30 am, we received the email letting us know the consulate appointment has been scheduled!!

We spent the next several hours getting travel information sent to the travel agent and emailing or calling back and forth trying to hammer out an itinerary.  The final plan has us leaving January 16th and getting into Nanjing on Jan 18th.  Lots of time in airports or airplanes in those 2 days.  :)  It's a good thing that I like to travel, I guess.  We will have Gotcha Day on 1/21, which also happens to be Martin Luther King, Jr Day.  Jaden will have a built in holiday for his Gotcha Day celebrations!

It has been a very emotional day but obviously a very happy one too.  One of the unexpectedly wonderful things about this journey has been the outpouring of support from everyone.  When we posted about the CA today on facebook, it was amazing how many people posted in support.  I realized that we didn't have a swimsuit for Jaden to use in the indoor pool and posted that and within the hour I had several responses offering to bring me one to the office!  I love knowing that I am bringing Jaden home to a community that wholeheartedly looks forward to embracing him. 

As we make these final steps, some of the not-so-happy things have to be faced.  I know that Jaden's life will have so much more promise and opportunity with this change but I am not a 3 year old little guy who doesn't speak the language.  Adoption is a wonderful thing that begins with heartbreak.  Jaden has lived in the orphanage since he was 12 days old.  The nannies and other children have been his only family.  In order to start what we hope will be a wonderful life, he has to leave everything behind.  He will lose his home, his family, his language and go with strangers who look very different, who speak gibberish and who don't understand him.  We know we love him but right now, he doesn't know that.  I can't begin to imagine how incredibly scary this will be for Jaden.  I have prayed for months for God to prepare Jaden's heart for what is coming.  I am trying to prepare my heart for all of the possible scenarios.  Some children grieve so hard for all that they are losing that they just shut down, others grieve loudly and still others seem not to grieve much at all.  The common thinking is that the "better loved" the child is the more likely he is to grieve terribly, because they have more to grieve.  Jaden seems so happy in all of his pictures, I am afraid that he may have a really hard time at first.  The flip side of this is that often the ones that are well loved, find it easier, later, to love their new families.

 God led us to this adoption, I KNOW this.  That has been such a crazy, amazing comfort in all of this.  I have been told in countless studies that when we walk the path that God has planned for us, there is peace.  I have had so much peace and a sense of "rightness" over the last several months because  I've never been so sure that I was doing what God wanted as I have with this adoption.  God directed every foot step of this journey.  He put so many people in my path with adoption stories--patients, lay speakers at events, friends, musicians, random people in stores--it was crazy.  People I've known for years would come up and tell me about their adoption story.   When we saw Jaden's picture on a website of waiting children, it was like, "oh, of course.  I get it now." 

 My comfort through the bumps in the road of this adoption has been knowing that God wanted this for Jaden before I did.  He is in control.  He will be there to comfort Jaden, even if Jaden isn't quite ready to let me comfort him.

Lord, help us know how to help our son.  Let us allow him to grieve in whatever way he needs but show us how to reach his little heart so that he can begin to accept our love.

Travel Approval has been issued!

Whoot!  Travel Approval (TA) has been issued and is in the mail.

When BAAS in California receives it, we can schedule our consulate appointment and then book our flights!!  Yea!
We actually found out at about 10:30 this morning that it had been issued.  I waited to blog until now because, frankly, I was sad.  Not about traveling, I can't wait to travel.  If it had been received by today we could have actually had Gotcha Day on Monday, January 14.  Because they have to actually have the paper copy in hand to make the other appointment, it will push us back some ( probably a week, to January 21).  That means that either on my birthday (1/16) or the next day we should be on a plane on the way to Jaden!!!  Yes, 8 days from now!!  Three days would have been incredible but 8 days is probably better in terms of readiness.  I am over "sad" and have moved on to "thrilled". 

As in everything in adoption, there are things outside of my control that will determine if this really does happen on that schedule.  If we don't get the paper copy until Monday, instead of Friday, we may not be able to coordinate everything in time to leave 2 days later.  It would then all be pushed back another week; but that is not going to happen, right?!  Now would be a good time for prayers.  I sometimes think God drew us toward adoption just so He would hear from us more often.  Hmm, there is a lesson in there somewhere but I have too much of a paper-pregnancy brain to ferret it out right now.  :)

Today is also my sister's ## birthday.  I know she has been praying for me too, that makes it a perfect day to get TA notification.  Happy Birthday, Tami! <3

So much to start doing now...packing, planning, praying.  Working on my 3 p's.  :)

Oh, my goodness...it just got very real.  Very, very soon there will be a new Sanford in town.  :)  I can't wait for y'all to meet him.