800 approval and GUZ assigned!

This has been such a crazy journey.  The LOA being approved and then not printed was just a hiccup in the scheme of things and thankfully, it is behind us.  We received approval on our I800 a week ago and today (finally) got assigned our GUZ number.  That means that the National Visa Center has cabled our visa paperwork to Guangzhou.  We are now waiting on access to another online visa application that we have to do before our next step can start.  When the next step (the Article 5) is dropped off, our agency will pick it up for us in 10 work days.  Unfortunately, Chinese Labor day will fall during this time for us and delay it just a little but once it is picked up, we will be waiting on TRAVEL APPROVAL!  We are getting so close now. 

In the ongoing theme of learning patience, our DS 260 is taking longer than normal to be accessible.  I'm trying not to let it worry me yet.  If it doesn't clear soon, I may get a little crazy.  For now, we are going to distract ourselves with a trip to the zoo tomorrow.  :)

LOA and the Emotional Rollercoaster

It has been about a month since I last posted and boy, have we been up and down.  On 3/11 I emailed our agency to see if there was any news on our dossier.  It was in the phase that tends to be the longest (and hardest) wait.  It is like waiting in line at Wal-mart, it purely depends on high quick your "cashier" is at their job.  Apparently we had someone who was fairly quick at translation because we were only on day 39 and were already translated and on the way to review!  Usually, review to LOA is about a 5-7 day wait; we were thrilled!  That meant that we would probably be getting Ian in May, whoot!  (Airfare goes up by at least 50% in June...there are 7 Sanfords traveling home from China.  Not a happy math equation.)

Our agency told us that we should have LOA by "early next week."  That became a phrase that made me sick in the next 3 weeks...Unfortunately, every time we checked, we kept hearing, "soon" and "early next week."  Yesterday, when she said again that it wasn't in but she hoped it soon would be, I checked with DHL.  (They are the carrier that China uses to send the LOAs and TAs to the US.)  They said that there was NO PACKAGE on its way to BAAS from China.  After much deliberation, I contacted my agency again and asked that they recheck about our LOA.  I don't think that Xiaoqing was particularly thrilled to do it but after gently reminding me that she had just checked 2 days ago and been told it was on the way, she did check.  What I knew was confirmed.  There had been a "computer on-line error"  (perhaps it was not plugged in to the printer???) and the LOA had been issued but never printed.  Sigh.  About 20 days just completely wasted.  The only sensation that I can relate it to is, perhaps, false labor.  Anyone who has been pregnant and  thought they were in labor and then were sent home from the hospital empty-handed can sort of relate.  I knew that didn't mean it wouldn't happen but I certainly felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me.  I know, too, that 20 days more in this wait of about 9 months doesn't seem like much.  Imagine though, if your child was moving away forever or dying; what wouldn't you give to have 20 more days?

Those closest to me know that right now I am struggling anyway.  Grieving for my sister, stressing over J's school stuff and whether to have him repeat Kindergarten, struggling with finding time to worship and feeling so disconnected from my church family (due to Katie not being able to comfortably stay in the nursery and Jay not really fitting in well with the children's program due to his sensory issues) have all contributed to me wanting to just crawl in bed and not come out until summer.  With my other children I have enjoyed the entire experience.  (Yes, I'm one of those weird people that truly loved the big round belly and all that went with it and loved all the craziness of the first 2 adoptions.)  I have felt sad and then felt guilty for not enjoying this process while wallowing a little in my grief.  The weather had turned pretty and I thought I had turned a corner and then this...ugh.  Adoption is hard.  It is also beautiful and so rich in blessings; a not to be missed experience.  Adoption is so much harder than childbirth.  I always knew that while those little ones were safely in my body, I could protect them.  With adoption, every day, every minute that you miss is another that you aren't protecting your child.  I wonder daily if Ian thinks we have forgotten about him or changed our minds.  We aren't allowed to send him a letter or care package until we get LOA.  So I can't even comfort him by sending a reminder that we are thinking of him and are trying to get there.  Adoption makes you powerless.  It is amazing following the journey of other families with children from PanZhiHua but it is also painful.  Each time a child leaves, I wonder if it worries Ian that he isn't leaving yet or if he is beginning to be afraid to leave.  I know he has no future as an orphan with no family in China but hopefully he is too young to see that.  It must be hard for him to anticipate leaving everything he knows behind.  Every delay just makes it harder for him.  I want to leave tomorrow.

Earlier today, I sent an email to another adoptive mom who works at our agency and asked if she thought they could go ahead and send the package of information that we need to file our next step.  They usually won't until the LOA is in their hands.  They actually ended up doing even better.  Xiaoqing was able to convince someone at China's Children's Welfare department that it was their error and they sent her an e-copy of our LOA so that we can file the I800 to the US a couple of days early!  Yea, that will let us get a couple of those days back!  It has helped so much just to get that little glimmer of seeing something turn in the right direction. 

Even with everything going on in our lives, we have managed to squeeze in some good things.  Laura finished her 4 months of rotations in Durant and is home (for a very little while),  Mitch and Laura were able to get away for a brief spring break trip to Six Flags with us and we got to spend an expected day with my niece and her family (including Bella, Katie's "hand twin").
Tim and I celebrated 27 years of marriage.  (Unfortunately, not on the beaches of Fiji  :) )
I was also able to connect with a doctor from the National Institute of Health about Ian's health, which was exciting to be making some headway with that.   And who says stress can't be good for you?  I'm at my lowest weight in years.  :) 

Often I pray with my patients and today I prayed with a woman whose husband of 60+ years is not doing well.  The first thing that came out of my mouth was "Lord, we know that it times of grief and worry we don't always see Your blessings but I'd ask that You help Your daughter (meaning my patient) see Your hand in the many ways You are blessing and protecting her--every moment, every day of this journey..."  Hmm, after I said it aloud, I realized that perhaps He was speaking to me even as I was trying to comfort my patient.  I want His peace, I want to know that He is orchestrating this.  It is a question that can't be answered but are even the delays part of His plan?  No, He isn't giving me exactly what I want (to leave NOW) but then Jaden wanted to bake a cake and decorate it with cookies tonight and I didn't give him what he wanted either.  We'll make a cake tomorrow but we may not decorate it with cookies; we'll get to China, it just may not be exactly when I wanted to be there.

 Lord give me the strength to believe that You've got this.  Help open my eyes to the ways You are blessing this journey.