Wonderful (maybe) news!

In looking through the paperwork last night, Tim asked me a simple question, "Are we doing supplement 3 or I800a?"  My answer was that I wish we could do the supplement 3 as it would potentially shave a month or two off the wait time.  In looking at our paperwork today, I saw that we actually still have a valid I800a until January 5th, 20 days from now!  That means that if we can get the paperwork filled out, fee paid, application sent to a lock box in TX and then forwarded from there to Missouri (don't ask--it's a government thing!) in the next 20 days and then within 33 days have our updated homestudy to Missouri, we actually get to skip a step in this adoption!  For our first adoption, that step was taking about 30 days (ours took a little less) by the time Katie's adoption rolled around, it was then at about 60 days and now it is between 60-70 for most people.  I would love to skip this step!  Our potential issue with this is that we don't have our homestudy back yet.  Our social worker is finished with us but still has to type it all out.  I'm hoping that a lot of it will be cut and paste since we just did this about 6 months ago.  I'm going to believe that this will happen.  Jay's paperwork was all quick.  Katie's paperwork consistently fell on the long side of the ranges.  Surely that means we are due for quick again, right? 

Many nights I tell the littles a goodnight adventure story.  Jay always reminds me to include Ian.  I love that he is already thinking of him like a brother.  I hope to get that brother here as soon as possible.  Ian won't be with his family for this Christmas or for his birthday next month but I can take comfort knowing that each holiday or event should be the last one of its kind that Ian will spend as an orphan.

the pull of the fifth child

(Tim here with an update)

And we're off!  We have started the process to bring Ian Sanford, our fifth child, home.  That just seems too bizarre to me to type!  We have four wonderful children in our home now, and child number five should be home next summer!

We are very early in this process, at the point where the time between dreams of holding our child and the time of gotcha day (a day many months in the future) seems so long.  We are guestimating about 9 months, which would put us into approximately August 2015, but we are hoping that somehow things will go faster.  As with Jaden and Katie, we will do everything in our power to move things along as quickly as possible… when something needs to be done, it will be done ASAP, and each set of the never-ending mountain of paperwork will be sent overnight express.

I was reading back over my journal about the pre-decision time, the time when I was thinking about adopting again but had not yet decided, and I found the entry below … this is from the time when I was starting to realize that perhaps we don't have four children ... that instead maybe we have five children ... with one still waiting for us to bring him home.  Or as Jaden often puts it when he talks about coming home from China, waiting for us to "find" him and bring him home.

********  (Below is part of an entry from November 2, 2014) ********
********  (Below is part of an entry from November 2, 2014) ********

Oh, the memories ... and the longing. Our friends, two of the strongest inspirations that helped get us on our adoption path, are in China right now getting ready to adopt again and they are only three hours away from meeting their daughter.

And I can't help but to feel the pull from China.  Certainly it's not an intellectual pull. Everything in the natural, or maybe rational, part of my brain says I shouldn't be thinking about China.

And while I always want to do something to help the children in China that are orphans (and I will want to do that until the day I draw my last breath), this is not like that. 

This is not really about helping a child in need. 
This is not about doing something "for" a child. 
This is not a thought of "I want to go save a child" or anything like that.

The driving force when we were called to go get Jaden and Katie was that we are their parents.  It sounds mystical or like religious mojo, but I really and truly feel that we are called to be their parents. 

And now that driving force seems to be back.

And so the question I now face is, "Do I have another child in China?" 

I think that maybe I do.

I was sure that we were done after Katie got home.  I mean, four kids?  Laura still cannot get her brain around that, and sometimes I just have to sit and smile about it.

Honestly, a few years ago I thought that two kids was a perfect number. 
Then three was perfect. 
Then four. 
But now ... ?  I'm just not sure.

Before taking any steps to act on his we will be doing lots and lots and lots of praying and reflecting.  And we will just have to see where this goes.  And then if this is something that we want to pursue, Tracy and I will have to discuss and pray and reflect some more.  And then, just like we did before we decided to move forward with bringing Jaden and then Katie home, we will discuss it with our other kids.

As I write this, our friends are hours away from meeting their daughter in China.  Tonight at dinner we were talking to Jaden about it. His quote ... "Hey, I was from China, and Katie was, too. And now I'm from Oklahoma, and I'm happy and proud to have my pretty family." (He uses the word "pretty" like we would use the word "good" or "satisfying." )  

I remember visiting with these friends and their family back in 2012 before we ever committed to adopt, before we had ever started the search that led us to Jaden, while we were still thinking about whether adoption was something we should consider or not.  They had adopted their youngest child from China, bringing their total to four children.  (At that time I was still arguing with / bargaining with / explaining things to God abut why adoption wasn’t right for us). At that time we had two wonderful kids and felt very complete, but this foreign and unexpected idea that perhaps we were supposed to do something outside of our comfort zone just wouldn't go away (no matter how hard I tried to ignore it!)

And I remember as we visited with our friends how much the father clearly loved his four kids … and to me, as a father of two kids, four kids sounded like a lot.  It sounded like more than I could imagine.  And yet here we are 2 ½ years later with four wonderful kids of our own, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world!

And four sounds like a great number. 
But now I stop and wonder, is four the right number? 
Is there any magic to it? 
Is there room for another? 
Should the number be five? 

Again, the fascinating thing is that this is not a pull “do something to save a child” or anything like that.  It’s not what my friend calls “MAD” (Multiple Adoption Disorder, where adoptive parents feel a drive to adopt as many kids as they can, perhaps as an attempt to save the world).  It’s not that.  I just can't help but wonder if I have another child out there.  And if I do, then we need to go get him or her!

And as all of this has been bouncing around in my brain since our friends left Okmulgee to go to China yesterday morning, Tracy just pointed out that the  father had blogged the other day about his family and about their plan to bring their fifth child home.

Below is an excerpt from his blog...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The question is asked “why another kid?” “You have four already”.  That’s the point, we love our kids.

(... insert well deserved and appropriate bragging about each of his children ... )

So this isn’t a mission for us, heck we’re greedy.  We have four wonderful children and that’s not enough.  We loved the appetizer, salad, vegetable and main dish and now we want dessert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmmm. Not the way I was thinking of it ... but it fits the sentiment I have been describing above.  I love being a dad.  I wouldn’t change it for anything.  Yes, my kids irritate me sometimes.  Yes, I get frustrated with them at times (usually when I have not been exercising enough).  But I will gladly work a few extra years and give up a few luxuries if I have another child is out there waiting for me.

We. Shall. See.

Tim, 11-02-14, 9:20 PM

********  (END entry from November 2, 2014) ********
********  (END entry from November 2, 2014) ********


So talk and pray we did. 

This is not a decision that we took lightly, and we did a lot of “what if” thinking and talking.

And either we had lots of coincidences that seemed to point out that it was OK to proceed with bringing home our fifth child, or maybe Someone else was involved … hmmm.

First, we started seeing ladybugs around the house again for the first time in months (ladybugs are the symbol for Chinese adoption, and they seemed to be around all the time when we were working to bring Jaden and then Katie home, and they disappeared when we were not in process to bring them home.)

Then, Jaden wanted to pick music to play on the iPad one day … something that he had never asked to do before … and he picked the following four songs.  As the songs played, Tracy and I looked at each other and said, “really?”  It was so surreal that I actually wrote down the songs that he picked so I could remember them.

1) “God’s Great Dance Floor” by Chris Tomlin

Now I surrender  //  Take me // This is all I can bring

2) “I Refuse” by Josh Wilson, which was instrumental in wearing away my resistance to our first adoption with lyrics like:

I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose not to move, but I refuse

3) “Kings & Queens” by Audio Adrenaline, which they wrote specifically about orphans …
On their own, on the run, when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons

4) And then somehow he got onto iTunes Radio and played the classic “I Can Only Imagine”


And immediately after that, Katie got the iPad and picked “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts with the lyrics
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you (**)
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

 (** especially pertinent since we will have missed Ian’s first 10 years)

Sure, this could all be a coincidence.  Ha.  Anyway, it sure didn’t hurt the pull that we were already feeling.

We looked at the adoption advocacy sites, focusing on the 1-2 year olds because that would put the new child “in birth order” and bring them into the home as the youngest child … but none of the children seemed to be the right fit for our family.  We just didn’t have the “THAT’S OUR CHILD” moment that we had with Jaden and Katie. 

And admittedly we were a bit nervous.  One of the things that we are most concerned about with adopting again is what it might do to Jaden and Katie at this stage of their lives. 

We talked about how a younger brother might impact Jaden’s role as the “youngest boy” in the home.

We talked about how a younger child might impact Katie by bumping her from being the “youngest child”.

We talked about how a younger sister might further impact Katie’s role as the “youngest girl”, and about how a younger sister would invariably end up being compared to her … and let’s face it, if you’ve met her then you know that this would be a tough comparison for anyone to live up to.

And so we looked and considered and discussed and looked and considered some more. 

We talked with Jaden and Katie and, while they obviously can’t really understand what all the complexities that are involved in bringing another child into the home, they do certainly have a very powerful perspective of what this means for the child in China who longs for a family.  And they were open to the idea.  Well, Jaden was open to it, and so that meant that Katie was open to it (since whatever Jaden does / says is what Katie wants to do / say).

And then the paradigm shift came … the thought that changed everything about what we were doing and thinking.

What if we shouldn’t be looking for a 1-2 year old to stay “in birth order”?

What if our child is older than that?  What if he is much older than that?  And once that thought took hold, we knew who our fifth child is.  We had seen his face and video months before.  He is well known in the online Facebook adoption community because so many people have advocated for him to try to get him adopted.  But 9 year old boys are typically not what adoptive families are thinking about.

But this is a 9 year old whose personality shines through on the video that his adoption agency has of him. 

A 9 year old who routinely asks his orphanage director if they have found him a family yet. 

A 9 year old who has not been adopted yet because he is waiting for us to come and get him. 

A 9 year old who will be 10 by the time we get there next summer.

A 9 year old who will fit nicely right in the middle of our children’s ages and won’t displace Katie’s or Jaden’s or Mitch’s or Laura’s positions in the family dynamics. 

A 9 year old who will go by the name of IAN SANFORD.

And so on 11-18-14 at 7:38 PM I sent an email to our contact Xiaoqing at the adoption agency, and put the following entry in my journal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       And now we know. We have asked Xiaoqing to hold Ian's file.
          11-18-14, 7:38 PM 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we told Jaden, this was his reaction

Jaden reacts when he finds out that he is going to have another big brother ... which looks a lot like his reaction (below) when he found out that Katie was coming home

Since then we have had our first homestudy.  Our social worker is leery of out-of-birth-order adoptions, but we are determined that this is what is best and what will happen. 

We have started the paperwork. 

We have started putting the wheels in motion that should lead to us flying to China again, this time in summer 2015.  Interestingly, we will be going back to Chengdu, which is the city where Katie is from.  And more interesting, perhaps, is that the little girl that our friends just brought home from China is from the same orphanage that Ian is in now.  So these two former orphans will have flown over 8000 miles to get to their new homes, and they will live about 3 miles from each other.  (We did check with her to make sure that she liked Ian … how awful would if have been if she hated him and he showed up in her town after moving halfway around the world!)

Anyway, we are under way.  Here we go.  And life continues to be grand.

ABS surgery at Shriners Hospital

We have passed another major step in Katie's little life.  Six months to the day from Gotcha Day, Katie had her first ABS (amniotic band syndrome) surgery at Shriner's hospital in Shreveport.  We knew that she would leave the hospital in 3 casts which would really slow down this active two year old, so we decided to try to make a weekend mini-vacation in anticipation of a not-so-fun 2 weeks post-surgical.

We had some concerns before we even left on the trip because Jaden had a stomach bug and kept having vomiting.  We kept Jaden and Katie separated as much as possible during his illness, but the day before we were to leave on the trip he was still sick and we decided that he would stay home with Laura instead of going on the trip.  Fortunately, Saturday he felt much better and so he and Laura went on the trip ... she drove separately so we could separate them if needed and so she could take him on home if he got sick again.  (He did continue to have episodes of sickness but would feel fine in between ... not enough to slow him down!)

We went to the Great Wolf Lodge in TX for Saturday and Sunday and drove on to Shreveport Sunday evening.  The indoor water park at the Great Wolf Lodge was a ton of fun for both kids.  They have a wave pool and a pretty good sized kiddy area and a lazy river.  We spent several hours there Saturday evening and topped off the evening with pizza and cookies.  It was a nice break before the craziness.  It was a blessing that Laura was able to come to keep an eye on Jaden and to help entertain the kids with me when Tim took a little break and went to see the band Colony House in Dallas.  (This is the band that Steven Curtis Chapman's sons have formed.  It seemed very appropriate as SCC is part of the whole path that we took to get to adoption.)

Monday, we had to have pre-op at Shriners and we were under the assumption that Katie would have to have blood work done.  We pushed fluids like crazy to make the stick easier, but when we met with the anesthesiologist he said that the newest guidelines state that with an otherwise healthy child, no lab or ecg was needed!  Whoot!  We'll still have to do it at some point, but right now it was wonderful to avoid that scary event with her.

Katie did incredibly well with the doctors and nurses during her pre-op visit.  She let everyone check her pressure and examine her as needed without much fear.  She was much more comfortable this time than last.  I think that hanging out with my nurses and staff helped her be more relaxed with medical stuff.  Once we saw the Child Life Specialist, we were given a key to our guest room upstairs at Shriner's and were finished with medical stuff for the day.

We went back to Eldorado Hotel where my sister and brother-in-law were staying with Jaden and Laura, and we had a nice visit.  My sister brought home grown satsumas and a juicer and we all had fresh juice, yum!

The plan was for the big girls to have some girl time and the boys and Katie to go eat at the noodle bar, but just as they started to go in the restaurant Katie gave back all of the liquids we had been pushing all day.  Unfortunately for Tim, it was just as he was picking her up to see how she was doing.  He needed a shower and a new set of clothes.  Katie looked more confused than upset but still...Yuck.  Laura had a jacket on and so donated her shirt to Katie, who also needed a whole new set of clothes.  We decided to ditch the girls night and take Katie on back to the guest room at Shriner's.

We were very nervous that they would postpone her surgery since she had thrown up, and we were worried that perhaps she had gotten Jay's illness.  We were worried that they might cancel her surgery.  Many prayers and a sleepless night later, they felt like a single episode my have just represented a vacation diet or nerves and so we were still on the schedule!

She was on a clear liquid diet after midnight until 7 am.  We tried to wait until just before time to give her a full bottle so that she wouldn't have as long to be hungry.  When her surgery was scheduled, she was the youngest but between that visit and this one, 2 younger children had been added to the schedule.   Two little girls 5 months or less, that both had Amniotic band syndrome and needed surgeries very similar to Katie's were in the room with us.  They were first and second on the surgery list, with Katie being third.  The one that was just before Katie was adorable!  At five months old, she was about a pound heavier than Katie.  She was not happy about being without food!  :)  That pushed her back from the 7am, first surgery, to about noon.  I was worried about her being without food that long but needn't have worried.  She never once indicated she was hungry.  It really drove home the fact that she rarely tells us she is hungry; she just accepts that mealtimes will come if and when they come.  I know I sometimes irritate people (sorry, Laura) when I remind them to offer food to the two littles in our home but I think Jaden and Katie were so used to being hungry that they still don't think to ask for food when they need it.  :(  Anyway, she did fine.  Shriners is AWESOME with the kids.  They have a dedicated playroom for the littles that has tons of ride on toys and pull toys, wagons and tractors...you name it and if it is fun for the preschool age group, it is there.  They also had a welcome gift for her with a princess wand, a stuffed pig, a book and an Elmo etch a sketch.  She stayed busy and happy the entire time.

About 11:30 they brought her some pre-medication that had Versed and Atropine in it.  Let me say, my little girl enjoyed the Versed.  It made her giddy and very relaxed.  She fixated on her socks and if you said "socks" she collapsed with laughter.

When they wheeled her away from us, she looked a little confused but not terribly concerned.  The only time I got tearful was when we prayed for her after she left;  I wasn't sure how she would do away from us with everything that was coming.  They promised to "gas" her before the IV though and so I hoped all would go well.  About 20 minutes later, they called to tell us that the surgery had started and that she had done very well.  She never shed a tear.  The nurse said they all fell in love with her because she was so sweet and fun.  They said every time they would tell her what they were about to do she would say, "Sure!"  or "Okay!" and then when they did it she would say "Thank you."  She said when they laid her down and put the mask on her, she pulled it off, thanked them, put it back on and fell promptly to sleep.

They said the surgery should be about 2.5 hours or so and that they would call half-way through.  The only blip in her care was that they forgot to call and about 2.5 hours later the surgeon walked into the room.  We must have looked panicked because she held up her hands and quickly assured us all was well.  Dr Hollister said that the surgery went well and that she was able to do everything that she had hoped to this time.  Katie will still need additional work on the ankle band and also on her right hand at some point but for now, she had released the bands on her right long finger and right pointer, released the band and separated the two toes on the right foot and taken half the band on the left ankle.  She didn't do a traditional Z-plasty on the ankle but had been able to do it in a way that she feels will be a little less noticeable later.

Eventually, she woke enough to be brought down to her room.  The nurse didn't want us to pick her up right away as they wanted her feet to stay elevated.  They hoped that would reduce swelling and the risk of bleeding.  I have to admit here, had she woken enough to ask me to pick her up, I would have anyway.  Luckily, I didn't have to risk upsetting anyone; Katie slept for several hours hugging her doll.  She would wake on occasion, just enough to see that we were there, and fall back to sleep.  The initial plan had been for her to stay overnight but they decided that we would be discharged that same day.  So we fed her a bottle, which she kept down, had a wet diaper to prove she was ok and bundled her up and left for home.  The drive is about 5-6 hours and she slept the entire time.  I have to say that I am not surprised.  They gave her 5 mg of Versed!  I only had 3 mg the last time I had a colonoscopy and I slept all day too.  (Was that TMI?)

Since we've been home, she has done very well.  She is having some pain.  She gets a little frantic and cranky when it is about time for her pain meds and today she asked Daddy to kiss her ankle but generally, she is doing very well.  She tried to walk a few steps yesterday during Jay's soccer game, yeah!  I want very much to take off the casts and look at the areas myself.  I have so far resisted temptation.  I hate that they used the old gypsum casts.  They are incredibly heavy and she is so tiny.  She should gain some muscle strength in the next two weeks.  October 27th, she will get them off.  Prayers for Katie and for mommy please until then.  :)

Katie's trip to Shriner's

Two entries this time ... one from early September and then one with more recent news. 

 9/2014
Katie went to Shriner's Hospital in Shreveport this month for an evaluation on her Amniotic Band Syndrome (ABS).  We didn't get the "all clear" that we hoped for this time.  Her ABS involves both hands and both feet to some degree.  Her most affected limb is her right hand but her left ankle and both sets of toes are also involved.  She functions incredibly well regardless of the changes, but the surgeon at Shriner's feels that she may have additional issues if we don't surgically release the bands.  The surgery will leave her in 3 casts (both feet and her right hand and arm) for a couple of weeks to allow healing.  We aren't looking forward to having this done but would hate to not take care of it now and instead allow it to worsen.  The surgery will not change her function at all really and of course, cannot give her back the missing fingers.  We have a niece that has been through this (successfully!) and know that while it won't be a lot of fun for her, it is the right thing in this case.

The Shriner's visit was very smoothly done.  They are set up only for children and everyone there, from the reception people, to the xray folks to the doctors, seem to truly enjoy the kids.  That is exactly why we are going to Louisiana for the surgery.  We know that there are wonderful surgeons locally, but this surgeon has been doing this surgery for more than 20 years and does lots and lots of kids with ABS.  It helps with the decision to know that she has been doing this frequently enough and long enough to watch kids grow that have elected not to have surgical intervention and those that have.  She seems very confident of her recommendation.  (Someone asked if we were going to LA to save money by using the Shriner,s and the answer to that is a definite "no."  It would be much cheaper in lost hours in the office and hotel bills to do it locally.  The Shriner,s used to not bill at all but that changed in 2012.  They still give free care to those that can't afford it, but thankfully, we don't qualify for financial aid.  Our only reason for choosing this route was so that we could be confident that a surgeon who has done thousands of cases like Katie's would direct her care.)  The down side to us going out of town for this is that we have no contacts there.  Having taught at the med school here in OK so long, we know a huge number of the docs personally.  It is nice when we can take advantage of that.  :)

On the Jaden front, we have had a good summer.  He did two sessions of swim lessons at the Y and made HUGE progress.  He started the summer loving water but definitely not in the face, and has ended the summer nearly a swimmer.  He is so proud of himself and just loves showing us that water in the face doesn't bother him anymore.  In his little kiddy pool or in the tub, he'll say "Look!" and then dunk his face.  I think if we would have had a couple more weeks of the pool being open, he'd have been able to actually swim. 

We've been to Hurricane Harbor, Six Flags, and the Zoo and as is typical for Jaden, he was thrilled to be at each of them.  He loves to travel and even if we just went somewhere and stayed in a hotel and then came home, he'd think it was an awesome trip.  He wasn't thrilled that we went without him to Louisiana with Katie, but that was mitigated somewhat by his alone time with his big sister.  When we got home, the house had been transformed into a tent city.  Time with sister is just more fun than time with mom and dad.

Jaden has been in Kindergarten a couple of weeks now and is adjusting fairly well.  He is generally a happy kid and that seems to be holding true this school year.  He has struggled a few days with not being able to get his work done during the school day.  I know that he must have been feeling frustrated one day because he decided to "whine like a dog" and bark at his teacher.  Oops.  Fertile imagination is great but not always.  :) He is still not educationally on par with his classmates, but at this point he doesn't seem to be aware of it.  He has made huge strides in the last few months, though, and I hope by the year's end, he will have closed more of the gap.  He loves his classmates and his teacher and so hopefully those things will help take some of the sting out of having to work a little harder than his peers.

We are seeing more of what we think may be a sensory processing issue with him with regard to noise.  When we first brought him home, he struggled with some tactile sensory issues.  This is really common in kids from hard places.  They typically don't get enough sensory stimulation to really learn to process it as an infant and child, and then we throw them into a whole new world of sounds and smells and feelings.  He wouldn't get dirty or messy when he first came home.  Finger painting or playing in the dirt was totally beyond his comfort zone.  That has improved dramatically, and Tim and I both just grinned when he dropped down in the dirt and started rolling in it the other day.  It was a joy to watch him have fun with the grass and dirt.  (Weird, huh?)  He and I have finger (and foot) painted several times over the last year and he has finally gotten completely comfortable with it.  There are still times he won't eat certain foods because either he doesn't want to pick it up or because he gags when it hits his throat, but he really has gotten mostly over that aspect. 

The noise issue has probably been there all along but we didn't notice because he wasn't often in noisy environments.  When he is in a noisy environment, his brain just sort of shuts down.  His developmental age seems to drop by half and his comprehension of what is being said to him plummets to almost zero.  The time this was demonstrated most clearly to me was when he started tumbling class.  It is held at the YMCA gym, which is noisy with just the kids and the instructors.  When some kids started shooting hoops on the other side, WOW! Jay just devolved right in front of me.  He had been doing okay but when it got noisy, it was terrible.  He doesn't act afraid or defiant, it is just like you gave him a shot of speed--instant hyper kid.  I'm sure this is occasionally a problem at school too; you don't get a class full of Kindergarten students together without some noisy times.  (If his tumbling teachers or Ms Bailey are reading this--again I apologize!)

We will probably have to consider having him evaluated by occupational therapy for some help on how to deal with this.  We try to remove him from the situation when we can, but there is not a good way to make tumbling less noisy, for example.  I considered pulling him out but a friend assured me that the tumbling teacher was ok with wild boys.  I did ask her to let me know if she felt he was a distraction. 

10/3/14

Right after I wrote the above blog post, Jay really started struggling in school.  He started having daily issues with sensory overload.  We have had him evaluated by Occupational therapy and he was officially given the diagnosis of sensory processing disorder.  We have had him in OT twice weekly and the school has seen some improvements.  I'm very blessed that my niece, Kimberly, is an educator for parents/teachers that are dealing with autistic kiddos and she was able to give us quite a bit of information and help.  I had done research previous to bringing Jaden home and was comfortable helping him deal with the sensation part of sensory processing and had been working on that with him fairly successfully. 

He has really progressed and is rarely "sensory avoiding" anymore, but unfortunately that seems to have "progressed" to sensory seeking now.  That means that his system feels the need to have near constant sensory feedback and so he spins, falls, touches or bumps into everything around him in order to focus.  It looks very much like ADHD at school but is actually very different.  If he gets lots of sensory input (thinks big bear hugs, spinning on a merry go round, swinging, or hanging from monkey bars) he is able to focus nearly like a "typical" kid his age.  The problem is that sensory feedback only lasts for about 90 minutes.  We have added all kinds of sensory equipment at home and spend time every morning before school jumping, spinning and swinging trying to prepare for the day.  His OT is very young and new at her job, but has been learning as she goes with Jaden.  She got to visit him at school and wrote up a report for her 2 hour visit that made me want to cry. 

Both his teacher and his OT seem to love him (which helps) but based on what the OT wrote, I'm glad I'm not his teacher.  We are trying to find ways to help him get the "sensory diet" (meaning the touch and vestibular input) that he needs routinely.  His teacher feels that he has definitely begun to show improvement since we have started OT and started being consistent with his home treatment, and she has been wonderful to work with him and to give him activities to do that feed his sensory needs when she senses that he is starting to head towards trouble.  She will have him spin, run, push against the wall, carry things up and down stairs ... all of which are recommended treatments for kids needing sensory input.

This has been an adjustment for all of us.  It is so hard to get the daily emails telling us his struggles for the day.  We just don't see these behaviors at home and so I can't even come up with good suggestions for the teacher on how to avoid these things.  We are such a tactile family that we hug and wrestle and tickle often, and I guess he just gets enough stimulation at home so that it isn't an issue.  But when he is trying to make it through circle time and table time and transitions at school, he just isn't always successful.  I have wished several times lately that homeschooling was an option for us.  Not because of the school, we are very blessed to have a good private school available to him that only has 13 kids in his Kindergarten class, but because he does so well when he is at home and I hate to know that he is struggling all day at school. 

I feel sad about this a lot, which I know is silly.  He isn't physically hurting, he has the ability to learn and he seems oblivious to the issues much of the time.  There are so many kids that have SO much more to overcome, I know that this really shouldn't be a big deal.  I'm sure I'll get there, but in the name of honesty, I'm just not there yet.  I considered not blogging about this but as this is a fairly common issue in kids coming out of orphanages, I know that there will be others who may need to know that they are not alone. 

I hope that as we learn and progress with this, we may be able to help others that are trying to figure out how to help their own littles.





Our next big event will be Katie's surgery.  She is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, Oct 14th.  We are going to make a multi-day trip of this on the way down to Shriner's, going to a hotel with in indoor water park and going to Six Flags to try to get her some fun times ahead of her triple-cast time ... we are NOT looking forward to her being in a long-arm splint and having both feet splinted at the same time! 

She is scheduled to stay in the hospital for a day and, if all goes well, we are going to be driving back home on Wednesday the 15th.  Then we go back the next week for her post-op visit.

Prayers that (1) the surgery goes well, (2) that she handles the post-op period well, and (3) that the travels are smooth are requested and appreciated.

Sometimes it is hard to believe that Katie has only been with us for 10 weeks.  For that matter, it was just driven home to me how short of a time Jaden has been here also.  I was reviewing Jaden's end of year notebook from Pre-K and it helped me remember that when he started school less than a year ago, he still didn't speak much English.  That is just really incredible and hard to believe.  I have been so blessed to be a part of this crazy adoption journey, I occasionally forget how difficult it must have been/must be for the kiddos. 

When Katie wakes up she does this thing that I just love.  She always looks around as if she is trying to figure out where she is exactly.  You can see it in her face and her eyes the moment it hits her that she is home.  She gets a huge smile on her face and whichever of us is closer is gifted with a giant hug.  It occurred to me at naptime today that she must still wonder if she is going to wake up one day and be back where she started.  That would be such a tragedy.  This beautiful, happy little girl would go back to that beautiful, sad little one that we used to see in the pre-adoption pictures.  

Before

After.  :)

She really is adjusting well and is enjoying having summer fun. 

 

She enjoys the zoo and the pool and had fun at Six Flags/Hurricane Harbor but what she still enjoys more than anything else is to just be home with the family. 

The other day she decided that since she is getting help with her meals all of the time, maybe she should help Jaden eat.

Yesterday was the 4th and she was exhausted from the zoo but when we got home, Laura was unexpectedly home from her Peds rotation (Her "Let it Go" Salmonella song was such a hit, she was excused early (: .  Katie was so excited, she was just giddy.  She never did get that nap (although Laura did ...  :-)

She does normally like to nap, though.  When it is naptime she is more than ready and signs "nap" and once we get to the bed she crawls on over to her pillow and flops onto her back, ready to go to sleep (most of the time) :-)

When someone is missing, she spends a fair amount of the day doing roll call ("Mama, Dada, Gege, Laura, Jaden" ... over and over).  I keep wanting to video it but when she sees the iPad, she gets distracted.  I'll catch it one day. 

People often ask us how she is doing, and really the best way to say it is just to say that she knows that she is home!  She loves being home and loves being with her family.  She has really enjoyed going to the office with us, too, and has a lot of fun with the staff at the office.

One of the things that she really enjoys is looking at pictures and naming the members of her family.  One of her favorites is the picture of her and Jaden on our bed where Jaden is showing his muscles ... when she sees it she immediately tries to imitate her brother by striking the classic muscle pose ... well, maybe it's not quite the "classic" pose but it is too adorable nonetheless!

Jaden has continued to grow ... and grow ... and grow!

These are the PJ's he wore when we first brought him home!

Next week is China Camp in Tulsa for Jaden.  Last year, he would have spent the whole time in the nursery and we didn't see the benefit in it.  This year, we have missed so much time in the office that we have decided not to go for ourselves, but Mitch is going to take Jay up.  Hopefully, he will have a great time.  I would have been nervous about it since he hated China language school so much, but he has gotten so comfortable around other Asian people now that I think he will do great.  He enjoys other kids so much that I think he'll do fine. 

Speaking of other Asian kids :), we found out that one of his orphanage "brothers" was adopted last week!  It was not Jin, the little boy that was his best friend, but it was a little guy that hung out with him quite a bit.  He is about 4, I think, and has down's syndrome.  His mom posted some pics of the orphanage on fb and sent me a message.  The orphanage has undergone some major changes in attitude, it sounds like.  She says that now they have toys for the kids and the directors allowed her to bring additional toys in for the littles!  And Jay's best buddy Jin is now listed for adoption and they are sending me a video to try to advocate for him.  They are really hoping that he can be adopted by someone near either us or by the other little guy that just got adopted. 

Jaden and Jin 2012, before Jaden was adopted

Jaden give Jin gift (when we went back to his orphanage after Jaden's adoption). It continues to haunt us, knowing that Jaden's best friend is still in the orphanage.

It would be incredible if anyone saw him as their son and brought him home.  He seems like such a happy guy now.  I know it has to be hard on him now in the orphanage, watching another of his friends leave permanently.  He had hydrocephaly in the past but from what I can gather, it is resolved.  They say he is perfectly normal 5 year old.

Jin in 2014, still waiting for a Mama and a Daddy.

It is so much fun having Jaden and Katie home ... but it hurts when we stop to think of so many children who need a family to call their own, a family to make them happy and to love them.
 

Father of Four?!

Tim's thoughts on Father's Day 2014

Father of four!!!!

Cool.

I have to admit, I never saw that coming, but I couldn't be happier!

It has been especially nice recently because all four kids have both been home. Laura took her national boards recently and has a couple of weeks off, and Mitch has been working at the office this summer. There is nothing quite as special as all of us being home. Even when we are not all in the same room it just feels "right" to all be under the same roof. And Katie especially seems to be filled with joy when we are all home.

Laura and Mitch have been a great help with Jaden and Katie. I had arthroscopic knee surgery on Friday the 13th and we had to leave the house at 5 AM. Mitch drove Tracy and me to the surgery center, and Laura stayed home and took care of Jaden and Katie, which made all parts of the journey much easier! Then she took them to the YMCA pool at noon so we could nap when we got home :-)

And they have helped at other times, too, when we needed extra hands and eyes with the little kids. I had two visits to Tulsa for pre-op stuff last week, and Tracy and I had a nighttime CME meeting that we had to attend to be able to renew our Oklahoma physician's licenses, and Laura and Mitch watched the kids during those times.

Tracy and I even snuck a special dinner for the two of us between my pre-op visit and the CME meeting. :-). I honestly can't remember the last time just the two of us had a meal out, and it was a special treat.

I was thinking back to when we had two kids the other day, and I remembered a gift that Mitch gave us when he left to go to Stillwater in 2011, starting our relatively short-lived empty nest phase. That night when Tracy and I got back from Stillwater after helping him move in, we found that he and Laura had left us notes of love and encouragement around the house, knowing that we'd take it kinda hard that they had both gone off to college. Mitch had also gotten a figurine with a rooster and a hen looking over their babe chicks, and he had left a note saying "We'll always be your babies. Love, Mitch & Laura." Interestingly, there are FOUR babe chicks in that figurine. I didn't place any meaning on the fact that there were four chicks at the time, but now of course it takes on special meaning ... :-)!!

 

And another interesting thing that came to mind as I was looking back at the growth of our family was the day Tracy got her coat out last Fall when the weather started getting colder. It was the coat she had taken to China when we brought Jaden home, and in the pocket were two Chinese coins ... one dated 2009 (Jaden's birth year) and, as it turned out, one dated 2012 (Katie's birth year) ... :-). Of course when we left China with those coins in her pocket, we had no idea that Katie was even alive and waiting for us.

Katie has been home for 7 weeks now.  We are all continuing to settle into our new routine. Overall I think we are pretty settled, with the occasional hiccup or bump.

Jaden continues to mostly enjoy being the big brother. When we go to the playground at the YMCA he acts as Katie's protector and bodyguard. The other day there was a small dog that was not on a leash, and Jaden stayed between Katie and the dog as we walked past it, using his body as a shield. And if there is a bigger kid playing at the playground he will manage to keep his body between the other kid and Katie until he is sure that they are ok.

At breakfast the other day he didn't want Katie to have any Cinnamon Toast Crunch because "that is too big and pointy and it might get stuck in her throat!"

We took Katie to an audiologist just for screening (everything was perfect) and she was examining Katie and trying to do a test in her ears, and Jaden kept trying to get the audiologist to stop because "my baby doesn't like strangers." He finally decided at she was ok, though, and let her finish checking her out.

Since my surgery, Jaden has been acting as my protector some, too. He wanted to push me "a little" as I used crutches so I would be able to go ok ... when I explained that it would be better if he let me go at my own pace, he went ahead of me and pointed out all of the corners on furniture and other hazards that might hurt if I fell on them. Very cute.

Laura starts her rotations soon, and Mitch will be moving to Tulsa in the Fall to start med school, so we will all-to-soon be back to us and the little kids, but we are certainly enjoying all being home together while it lasts!


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For anyone who did not see it one Facebook, I made a video to celebrate Jaden's 500th day in our family. It has about 500 pictures of Jaden over those 500 days, and it can be found at

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjzgveIrFb0

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Below is a blog that I wrote that was used by Love Without Boundaries.  It has my two favorite pictures of me and Jaden together.

For those who don't know, this is an incredible organization which works to improve the lives of orphans in so many different ways, including : providing funds for surgeries, providing special formulas, for babies that need them, providing schooling, funding foster care to help get more kids out of orphanages, etc. They also have a Unity Fund which helps families that have NOT abandoned their children pay for the medical care that they otherwise could not afford and their only option would be to abandon the child in hopes that he care would be given in the orphanage (certainly NOT a guaranteed outcome). In this way LWB is able to prevent these children from ever becoming orphans!

Without Love Without Boundaries and their supporters providing the funds for Jaden's surgeries, his orphanage director would never had listed him for adoption ... and Jaden would still be in the orphanage in China ... a terribly chilling thought.  I can't help but wonder how many other children might be listed for adoption if more funds were available. LWB will forever be on my gift list. :-)

LWB had asked for a couple of lines and a picture to go in a Father's Day special where they are going to have several LWB dads post on LWB's Facebook site, but I ended up with a multiple-paragraph entry and told them to just cut it down if they had to. Instead, they decided to run it as a "guest blog" on Friday which was a pleasant surprise for me. Anyway, I have included it below.


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“I’ll always be your son, and you’ll always be my dad.”
 This blog is written by Tim Sanford, an “LWB Dad.”   Tim adopted Jaden, who was in our medical program as Christopher.

Jaden came home January 2013 at the age of 3 ½. He celebrated his 5th birthday just a couple of weeks ago, and last week we celebrated his 500th day in our family. He has really thrived at home.

It has only been recently that he has started talking a little bit more about his time as an orphan, and the most common way he describes it revolves around feeling “alone.”  He tells us “I am very happy that you came to get me, and I’m glad you didn’t leave me alone any longer.”  He did tell us once, “I’m glad you got me, but why did it take you so long to find me?” … which was heart-warming and heart-breaking at the same time. Another comment that always gets me is, “I’ll always be your son, and you’ll always be my dad.”

He went to China with us this April when we adopted his little sister Katie, and he likes to introduce her as “my baby.” He told many people in China that he is now a “gege” (Chinese for big brother) and also let them know that “I was from China, but now I’m from Oklahoma!”

On this Father’s Day (as I do on so many other days through the year) I stop and give thanks for Love Without Boundaries (and all who work there, and all who support their programs). Without the intervention of LWB, Jaden would never have been listed for adoption, and he would probably still be in the orphanage. That is such a chilling thought! I encourage everyone to PLEASE continue supporting LWB in any possible way.

This Father’s Day is particularly special since all four of my children will be home: Laura (age 24), Mitch (age 21), Jaden (age 5), and Katie (age 2).  Jaden truly loves being a part of a family, and he has really enjoyed taking on the title of big brother in addition to also being the little brother, grandson and son.

As a parting thought, I encourage everyone out there to consider adoption.  I had no idea that I had two children waiting for me in China until I opened my heart to the idea, and I have been immensely blessed by having them home!

Jaden is 5! :-)

Jaden turned 5 on May 30th.  Wow, how did that happen?  (As always, questions like "how did another year go so quickly" are answered “one day at a time.”)

It has been quite an amazing year for him and for us.  He has enjoyed it and has changed so much!  I was looking back at several pictures and have compiled some “then and now” pictures below.

Jaden has been in his family for almost 500 days now (it will be officially be 500 days on Wednesday, June 4th).  He was 1332 days old when we got him, so he has been with us for over a quarter of his life now.

(Incidentally, he will have been with us for half of his life on September 14, 2016 and Katie will have been with us for half of her life on February 25, 2016.)

Looking back to the time around his 4th birthday, at that time he was speaking about 200 English words (quite the accomplishment for having never heard the English language until four months prior).  And now he is essentially fluent in the English language (for his age).  There are still times when he pops up with ways to say things that make us stop and wonder “in what context did he hear that?”

The only area where he tends to struggle is with gender / pronouns (he, she, his, hers, etc). In Chinese there is no gender associated with pronouns.  "He" or "she" would simple be “ta” and he was old enough that this was wired into his brain pretty firmly.  As strange as it seems to us for him to continue to struggle with this issue, we know that of course it will eventually be a non-issue.

His writing skills have come along amazingly well in the past year (when we got him he had never held a crayon), but he does still have a way to go on his reading abilities … but again that will be taken care of with time.  He will be repeating Pre-K to allow him a chance to catch up (and allowing us to have him an extra year at the end of his schooling!)

He continues to be a happy kid overall, being glad to go to school, glad to go to the office, glad to go to the park, glad to go to church, etc.

He especially enjoyed each of our trips during the past year.  He gets great joy out of going on trips and really likes to go to new hotels or to fly somewhere.  When we finished our 24+ hour trip home from China with Katie, we hadn't left the airport when he was saying “I miss the airport” and wanting to know when we would go on another trip!

The biggest event in his life as a 4 year old of course was going to China and bringing Katie home.  He was excited to become a Gege, and tends to introduce Katie as “my baby.”

He has done incredibly well as a big brother, sharing very well and for the most part accepting that his new sister will have to get priority for our time.  Admittedly he has been more needy and clingy at times (no surprise there), and at times will tell us “You have two babies” which is his cue that he wants us to “baby” him a little, too.

Lately he and Katie and I (Tim) have been going to the park at the YMCA while Tracy, Mitch and (when she is in Okmulgee) Laura go play racquetball.  Katie pretty much requires my full attention while at the park, and I was worried that this would be a problem.  For the most part, though, Jaden plays with whatever other kids are there and enjoys himself.  When he needs some Dad time he asks to go over to the swings so I can push him.  It has been good to see him working on his social skills and learning to interact with a variety of other kids.  One of the areas that he has continued to need to mature in has been his interaction with other children.

He was a joy to watch as he and Katie opened presents Friday night.  We went ahead and had them both celebrate together since their birthdays are two days apart, and rather than just ripping into one present after another he took time between presents to play with them.    (Although I do think that at his office birthday party he may have been a little more on speed-opening mode!)

Anyway, while it is hard to believe that he is 5 it is also hard to believe that is was only 16 months ago that we got to hold him for the first time.

HERE ARE THE "THEN and NOW" PICTURES 

First day of Pre-K

Last day of Pre-K