TA!!!

Yeah!  We just got word that our Travel Approval is on its way here!  So, now we are certain that we will be able to leave here April 9th and have a 4/14 Gotcha.

These last few steps are usually fraught with angst but, with this adoption, we have avoided that by having pre-angst.  (Hmm, that probably isn't a word.)  I realized a few steps back that it looked like we would probably get TA about now, give or take a week or two.  This has been very difficult for me, knowing that that would mean that we would have to intentionally delay our departure due to a prior commitment.  Tim and I are both in the leadership team on The Walk to Emmaus as senior lay directors and there is no way that we can get to China, get Katie and get back before the first walk began.  Ugh.  I have cried some tears over this.  I know that 3 extra weeks in the orphanage are PROBABLY not going to inflict any additional harm on my baby but...visualize knowing that your child is away from you in a place that is probably not heated or cooled, not getting health care should she need it and not being given either enough food or at least the right food to grow.  (Last we heard, she is only in 6-9 month clothes and is 20 months old.) Not a happy picture.  We have had at least 2 families in our adoption communities that lost children unexpectedly before they could travel to get them and I have had an unreasonable fear that Katie would get sick without me.

With this TA we could have had a 3/24 Gotcha and instead we have 4/14.  I have finally (mostly) gotten okay with this.  I have prayed over this and been able to quit the waterworks.  If it weren't for the Walk to Emmaus, we probably never would have adopted and isn't that a scary thought when you look at Jay's beautiful smile?

 

Emmaus was a turning point in our christian journey and has kept us accountable.  Usually, the Emmaus community is some of the happiest Christians that you can find and I certainly missed that when I was growing up.  This is not to say that only Christians adopt but had Tim and I not strengthened our faith, it wouldn't have happened for us.

Our journey with Emmaus

 has been such a blessing in our lives and has allowed us to be so much more comfortable in living our faith.  I had only prayed with a tiny handful of my patients before our walk and it was my accountability group encouraged me to work on that.  I did work on it and have been so blessed in return.  I've been able to pray for patients with cancer, or unexpected pregnancy, or loss of loved ones when really, nothing else I could have done would have made any difference.    Before my walk, I had not talked with my sisters for a few years.  I made a commitment on my original walk to give up my unforgiveness (hmm, am I making up words again?).  It took time and prayer and baby steps but I have been blessed to be able to work toward having my sisters in my life again.

An area I had not worked on was putting my God before my family and in fact have always said that I couldn't do that.  I guess part of the spiritual growth that is going to come from this adoption is learning that I can, indeed, put God before my wants for my family.   When my accountability group asked me why I didn't pray for more of my patients, I didn't have a good reason and so I changed.  When they asked me why I felt ok putting family before God, my answer was "God is big and my kids aren't."  I guess what I'm working to learn now is that "God is big and my kids aren't and He is going to take care of them in His greatness."

God, I know you love orphans and Katie specifically more than I can imagine.  Please, keep her safe until I can get there.  amen.