It isn't fair.

The steps in China adoption have changed a little in the last year.  Last year, we had DTC (dossier to China), then LID (Log in Date), OOT (out of Translation) and then LOA (letter of acceptance).  Now we have DTC, LID, OOT and then the Reviewed, Match Reviewed, Soft LOA and then Hard copy LOA.  I'm not sure if this is good or bad but it is different.  Now there are more steps so that you feel like you make progress but also more steps to get through.   We are now Reviewed and on the way to Match Reviewed.  If we don't get stuck on any of the coming steps, it looks like we may travel in early April.  It should be a beautiful time in Chengdu.

The adoption world has been improved in many ways with social media.  It is so nice to have a hundred other families going through the same thing, but it is also hard because of the very fact that there is not much rhyme or reason to how China processes their applications.  On fb, we see women who log in later make two or three quick steps ahead and then get bogged down at a different step.  It really works on some folks due to the absolute lack of "fairness" in the whole thing.  I've got some fb friends that I know really hurt when they see others progress ahead of them.  I get it.  It isn't fair. 

I've never been one to see good things for others as unfair to me, and that has helped me so much in this process.  There are lots of biblical principles that I do struggle with, but I'm so glad that this isn't one them.  Remember the parable in Matthew when the guy hires vineyard workers in the morning and agrees to pay a certain amount, at lunch more workers show up and they are told they will get the same amount as the first set.  In the afternoon, more workers show and are told that they, too, will be paid full wages.  When we studied that in Sunday school, I think my class thought I was a little crazy.  I don't find any of that unfair.  The full pay of the second two sets didn't reduce the pay of the first.  The adoption process is like that.  There are families that didn't show up until lunch and yet they are on their way to get their little ones.  But you know what?  That's ok.

It is nice to be able to rejoice, even when the others are making progress and you aren't.  I woke up the other day with such a strong sense that God was reminding me that none of this was "fair."  It isn't fair to Katie or Jaden that their moms couldn't take care of them, it isn't fair that it takes so stinkin' long to get our babies into their forever families.  It isn't fair that my babies born in China didn't have the opportunities or exposure that my bio kids had, and it really isn't fair that there are so many of  Jaden's orphanage siblings will never have any opportunity to be loved on.  God never promises us "fair."  He promises to be with us and to love us through whatever we are going through.  He promises to love us even when we mess up and let jealousy or anger creep into this process.  I still (sometimes) struggle with anger toward China when I hear how tiny my baby girl is or when I see the ground that Jaden still has to cover to catch up with his peers.  By dwelling on those negative things, I was allowing "That's not fair!"  to creep into my heart.  I'm not sure why I was allowing that to happen but the changes that adoption brings to our hearts definitely shouldn't focus on those things.  There is so much in this that is God-sent and wonderful; I never want to let the bad steal the place of all of the good.  Yesterday, as soon as my eyes opened for the day,  I "heard" God say, "No, it isn't fair, not to the kids or to either set of parents, but don't worry.  I've got this."  He wasn't telling me that our file would be on the fast-track; He definitely wasn't telling me that I didn't need to continue to do all that I could on my end to keep this process smooth.  He was affirming that there is definitely going to be unfair parts of this whole process but that's ok.  Katie will be here before I know it and I won't remember a time she wasn't.