The medical appointment or, "ABS, SFA and VSD, oh, my!"

It's 3 am Easter Sunday and we're at the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou.  Happy Easter, everyone!

Yesterday was our medical appointment for Katie and everything went really well.  I haven't talked a lot about Katie's physical differences because they don't real matter much to us.  Typically, in the international adoption world, parents get a referral and then have 72 hours to have the file evaluated by an physician to see if they are willing to accept whatever physical issues the child has.  Tim and I pretty well ignored that tradition.  Of course it helps that the medical information isn't Greek to us but the bigger issue is that by identifying our kids first, it didn't really matter to us what the health issues were, they were already, in our hearts, our kids.  All that being said, Katie's health issues are potentially the most involved.

At the medical appointment, the doctor told us that she has 3 issues:

Katie has ABS (amniotic band syndrome) affecting both her hands and her feet.  ABS is a condition when a pregnant woman almost loses a pregnancy and her body creates long, tough string-like fibers in the amniotic fluid.  These strings wrap around little parts in utero and can amputate any body part.  In Katie's case, it caused her right fingers some problems.  She will never 10 finger type or play flute but other than that, there is very little that she will not be able to do. There is an organization called the Lucky Fin Project (as in Nemo, the lucky fin fish) and their catch phrase is "ten fingers are overrated."  When you watch Katie, you believe it.  She may need some additional surgery but we'll deal with that when the time comes.

Katie is small for her age (SFA) Umm, really?  I hadn't noticed.  Actually, he said, "She is small for her age, don't you think?"  She is 6 weeks shy of her 2nd birthday and weighed 18 lbs when we got her.  Yep, that's a little small.  She has already gained a full pound!  Whoot, whoot!  I admit to feeding her frequently but I think that kisses have calories.  :) Ok, maybe not, but I think the kisses are helping to fatten her up somehow. :)

Katie also has a heart condition.  That is much harder for me to type.  Had you asked me before Katie, I would have told you that heart babies were about the only files I tried not to look at when I was looking at children without parents.  With Katie, it didn't matter.  Although Jaden knew before we did, once we saw her and knew that she was ours, her file didn't matter anymore.  She has a ventricular septal defect or VSD.  It means that she has an opening in the muscular wall between the two big chambers of the heart.  It may need surgery at some point to be corrected but as long as she is doing well, we will delay to let her get bigger.  The kind she has rarely closes on its own but sometimes is not enough of an issue that it has to be repaired.

We didn't bring any medical equipment with us and so we have not listened to her heart or lungs.  When we were at the medical appointment the doctor listened and listened and listened to her heart.  Wow, what a way to stop MY heart.  Then he got up and said he needed another doc to come in and listen to her heart.  Then another doctor came in and listened (forever) to Katie's heart.  She shook her head no, said something on Chinese and left.  Ugh, parents here, could you include us please?  The first doctor explained through our guide, that Katie didn't have a murmur and with her file, he expected one and that was why he got the second opinion.  Her "no" was that she didn't hear a murmur either!  Again, Whoot, whoot!

So, what does all of that mean, ABS, SFA, VSD?  Nothing.  Just a bunch of letters and God is so much bigger than our alphabet.  On this day, of all days, we know that He rose from the grave.  He can heal my Katie.  I know that it doesn't always happen the way we want or when we want.  If we get home and find out that these doctors just have bad hearing and she still has an awful murmur, I won't have less faith.  God doesn't choose to heal (in my opinion) based on the amount of faith that we have.  He doesn't promise us "easy."  He promises us He will be with us through whatever we have to deal with.  I can definitely say that He loves my child and only wants the best for her.  That is enough.

Random thoughts / "You know you're a newly adoptive dad when" / Jaden quotes

Tim here with a few comments during our last full day in Chengdu.  Today was a fairly quiet day for us.  We did some paperwork stuff today and then went to an older section of town for some sightseeing.  Tomorrow we pack up and in the late afternoon we will fly from Chengdu to Guangzhou.

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Ok, first the list of random thoughts

#1 ... People like to honk their horns in Chengdu ... all day and night ... I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, "hey, it's 3 AM ... WHO ARE YOU HONKING AT???"

#2 ... Katie loves her Mama

#3 ... Katie is adventurous ... As an example, she liked going right down the slide on her belly in the playroom ... over and over again

#4 ... Katie likes splashing in the pool (as long as she is in Mama's lap) and does not mind getting splashed in the face.

#5 ... Katie is watching her big brother and learning from him

#6 ... Katie loves her Mama

#7 ... Katie rolls around in the bed a lot at night ... And when she is on her belly she will bend her leg at the knee and kick her leg down 3-4 times in a row, then pause for about 15 seconds, then do it again and again and again ... and it's really really cute.

#8 ... People really really really like to honk their horns in Chengdu.  GIVE IT A REST, WOULD YA!!
#9 ... Riding a scooter in crazy traffic in the rain without a helmet while holding an umbrella seems totally normal in Chengdu.
#10 ... Katie loves her Mama!

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You know you're a newly adoptive dad when

1.  Getting kicked in the face at night ... over and over again ... brings you unspeakable joy ... true story

2.  You wake up because in your dream you have a bright, pulsing beacon of light to your right ... And when you wake up that is exactly where your daughter is sleeping ... true story

3.  You'd rather rub your sleeping child's back than sleep, no matter how tired you are ... true story

4.  You wish you'd get kicked in the face by your (younger) daughter some more ... true story (Hey Laura, notice I did specify the younger daughter)

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A  FEW OF JADEN'S QUOTES over the past few days:

After I called him Jaden on GOTCHA day ... I'm not 'Jaden', I'm 'big brother' "

He's been a little confused about what Katie can and cannot eat.  And I'm not sure he trusts us to feed her right.  He was looking at the box of baby rice cereal which had a picture of a baby giraffe on it ... "I think that is food for a baby giraffe!"

Tuesday ... The morning after GOTCHA ... 

5:45 AM ... "Shhh, my baby's sleeping"

6:15 AM ... "Why is my baby gonna sleep all day?"

6:30 AM ... His prayer while Katie was still sleeping  (he had scraped his cheek with a toy the day before) ...

"Father, thank you for making Baba's knee better 

and Jaden's cheek better 

and let Mama feel love 

and let my baby sister know we love her.

Amen."  (Insert sounds of Dad sniffing back tears here)

Mama's girl!!

Tim here with more input, since Tracy has had a baby in her arms all day.

Twelve hours into today I think it is official ... We have a Mama's girl.  Katie hasn't wanted Mama out of her sight all day (no, I mean literally all day), and has only been willing to be out Mama's arms when we are in our hotel room (and most of the time not even then).  Right now she is giving Mama a little break, but comes around every 45 seconds or so to make sure that Mama is still here and is watching her!


Today we went to the Panda Research and Breeding Grounds and got to see several pandas, including some young pandas playing outside.  It was a beautiful day and Katie enjoyed it all ... strapped to Mama in the child carrier, that is!  She got a little stuffed panda and has had fun putting it into a plastic cup over and over again.



After we got back to the hotel we went down to the pool and ... yep, she sat in Mama's lap the whole time. :-)



When she does walk around the room she especially likes to look at the pretty girl in the mirror that is in the living area.  She has started making faces at herself and has also started making more facial expressions towards us, even giving Mama some smiles.



One of the things that we said whenever we looked at her pictures before we came to China was that it looked like she was in need of lots of hugs and kisses, and we have started trying to fill that need.  Yesterday when Tracy was kissing her forehead, Katie pushed forward into  the kiss and wouldn't let go for about 15 seconds, and later was making kissy-lips at Tracy.  Too cute!

Tomorrow we go back to do more paperwork and get her passport, and then we will do some more sightseeing, and then Friday we will fly to Guangzhou to take care of lots of details from the U.S. side of things.

Time to wind up another day and get some sleep.  Goodnight from China, y'all.

"In the eyes of China she is officially yours."

Tim's input ...

Today we finalized Katie's adoption in the eyes of the Chinese government and heard the beautiful words "In the eyes of China she is officially yours."  It is just a combination of letters / sounds / syllables, but they sound so wonderful when they are put together in that order!!!!

Katie and Jaden have continued to get to know each other, with Jaden working through such a major life change very well as he tries to figure out what it means to suddenly be a big brother and yet also still be four years old.

If Katie gets unhappy (which usually happens when she is getting a diaper change) he wants to go get her a bottle.  Also, when it is time for a diaper change he goes and gets everything she needs.  He also goes and gets her shoes when we are going to leave the room, and he puts them away for her when we get back to the room.  And he has been great sharing his toys.  Only once there was something he did not want her to play with and you could tell he was torn about it.  Mom stepped in and showed him how to distract her with another toy ... Problem averted.  All in all he has been absolutely awesome!

He was looking at the photo pillow that we had sent to Katie and said, "I want to see Jiejie and Gege." (unfortunately it looks like the pillow was never given to her ... I guess they just put it away to give to us when we got her ... Umm, thanks, we've seen our faces ... Oh well.). Anyway, Jaden is having lots of fun here, but he is wanting all of his family to be together too.  His favorite times at home are when we are all there together, even if we are all off doing separate things.

Katie has started coming out if her shell more, looking less and less shell-shocked.  She has been exploring the hotel room and likes to gather all of the toys that she can and carry them around with her, or carry them to Mama for her to hold for her.

She is a Mama's baby right now, and for the most part isn't too comfortable with Daddy.  I totally understand that, as it is a very common in the adoption world where the orphans have had no time around males at all.  I know that in time love will take care of this, so I can wait and understand.  She has been willing to walk to me a couple of time when I asked her to, and she used her big eyes on me for the first time at nap time ...  She looked at me with those beautiful eyes and willed me to get her out if her crib when it was nap time today.  After that she let me hold her for quite a while ... Hey, don't judge me ... it looked to me like she was scared! :-) anyway, it was a very special time for me to be able to comfort her.

She has been a very good sleeper.  Her nanny at the orphanage said she is a good sleeper and sleeps well at night and at nap time (which should make her big sister very happy).  She slept about 12 hours the first night and we had to wake her up from her nap this afternoon.  I remember the first couple of nights with Jaden when he slept so long at a time and also so deeply ... Some of it just has to be emotional exhaustion.  I cannot imagine what she is going through right now, but she has been an absolute joy and treasure and has been a trooper.

As every hour goes by she has been getting more and more adventurous in the room and has started to play with Jaden more, seeking him out to take toys to him and trying to get his attention when he is doing other things.

Even as I have been typing this, she and Jaden are interacting more and more.  There is a drawer that Jaden has been keeping all of his toys in, and she has been having him open it then she takes a toy and puts it in the drawer then closes it and then she has him open it again so she can repeat ... Etc, etc, etc.  Very cute.

When we go out of the room Tracy usually has her in one of the baby carriers and Katie just snuggles into her chest and stays there like she doesn't have a care in the world.  She did that today for the 3 hours or so that we went around town today to the various government offices to finalize her adoption in the Chinese court system, and Katie (and Mama) were very content!

That's all for tonight ... Time to get the kiddos down for the night (and the parents, too!)

Thanks everyone for the prayers, support, and love.





















Sent from my iPad

One less!

GOTCHA!

At 10:18 today our world changed for the better when Katelyn Ann Sanford, or MeiMei to Jaden, joined our family!

Katie has been amazingly brave and Jaden has been so supportive of his little sister.  He keeps saying, "I'm a big brother!" to anyone who will listen (even though most of them don't speak the same language, he universally gets a big smile in response).  You don't have to understand the words to hear the joy.
We got to the orphanage after about 45 minutes of crazy driving.  It is in a suburb of Chengdu that only has several million people.  We were there right at 10 am but Katie wasn't brought in right away.  The other family's daughter was there almost immediately.  She was precious and actually looks quite a bit like Katie.  She is a few months younger but was in foster care, not in the orphanage.  Her story isn't mine to tell but I struggled not to cry as I didn't want to meet Katie in tears.
 After about 15 minutes, the ayi brought Katie in to the room.  She was clearly already a little anxious as they had to wake her to bring her to us.  She cried at the handoff (but then I did too) but calmed very quickly with the help of the doll from NaiNai and Cheerios.  Somehow, we got to China without our bag of suckers, which is what really worked with Jay but thankfully, Cheerios did the trick.  Katie started to get upset again because the other child fell and bumped her head and was obviously upset, but a water bottle worked well that time.  Once she settled into my arms, she never really left them again.  We got to meet her Ayi.  The ayi had a cross on!  A bit of prevenient grace, perhaps?  Maybe we weren't the only ones praying for her.  :)

I put her in the baby carrier and although she was sweaty, she was very happy there.  I left her in it while we drove to Wal-Mart and she eventually fell asleep again.  I can't tell you what a wonderful feeling it was to look down at that precious baby.  She kept trying to cuddle closer to my chest...brought back fond memories of my two oldest.  :)

After all the fun shopping (and trying to pay) we made it back to the room.  She spent several hours just sitting in my lap or leaning on me.  The big guy is a little scary as the only other men she has ever been around were doctors.  (Shhh, she doesn't know I'm a doctor too) but just before bedtime, she finally ventured away from me and began exploring.  It was so cute watching Jay working out what it means to be a big brother.  He runs to grab a water bottle when he knows I'm about to change her because she cried the first time.  He says that she really needs a big brother. She has already started following him around.  We'll see how long it takes for the novelty to wear off but as for now, he is thrilled anytime she notices him.

She has tried hard not to cry.  You can watch the sadness sweep through her on occasion. She will look up and away and try not to let the tears fall.  I keep telling her it is okay to cry.  Although I know she doesn't understand, I hope she can sense that we're okay with her emotions.  She isn't verbalizing at all.  We don't know if she doesn't have words or she is just too closed down to try but we'll see how she does tomorrow.  I can't wait to watch her blossom and relax. We have only had a glimpse or two of her smile but it is as pretty as the rest of her.
We are going to try sleeping with all four of us in one bed, (gulp!) and see how it goes.  Jaden was so excited about that that he even forgot to ask for books.  We all laid down and she went straight off to sleep.  Within a few minutes, Jaden was out as well.  It is so sweet, in his sleep he reached out to hold her.
I'm exhausted too and want to crawl into bed with the other Sanfords in China. I'll try to add pics but if it doesn't work, check back tomorrow.  I'll add some after a little sleep.  Blessings, y'all and thanks for all the prayers.

Chengdu fun and the Polar Ocean Park

April 14, 2:45 am.

I hadn't planned on blogging yet but I can't sleep.  If I can get my pics to load, I'll try to make this a primarily picture post.   A few notes from our day though:

We wanted to get out of the room for a while so that Jay could have a little fun with just the 3 of us.  I have an app called vocre that is supposed to translate a conversation back and forth.  It hasn't been particularly effective.  :) I asked the lady down stairs if here was a room with a tub and her response (according to the app) was something about lovely bologna.  Umm ok, never  mind.  Tim and I tried to get it to work by asking a question and then playing back the translation to the other iPad to check.  It translated "is the ocean water park still open?" Into "sexy, sexy thunder monkey" ok, never mind.  Don't really want to be slapped or arrested while I'm here.  So we called the guide and she said to just take a taxi and wing it for the ride back to the hotel.  It is so far south at no "real" taxis would hang out there.  Ok, ready to try.  We got in a taxi and gave her a written translation.  She nodded like she knew what we were talking about.  About ten minutes later, she started asking questions.  I just smiled at her until she quit asking.  It was a long ride in crazy traffic.  There would be 7 cars across on the 6 lane highway, stop lights were "speed up and swerve" lights.  All very funny in the front seat of that taxi.  :)

Lots of walking.  At one point Tim was somewhat frantically searching for a bathroom for Jaden when I pointed to a small herd of littles pottying into the bushes, split pants were everywhere.  So Tim had Jaden do his "superman" tinkle into the bushes.  Jay thought it quite funny.  Later J was playing and a little guy in front of him had on split pants.  The little one kept bending over in front of J.  Finally after a prolonged, exceptionally clear, view of the little guys butt, Jay in a very disgusted voice, said, "Let's go!  That's just too much." Ha! On the way back, we took a short "local" ie, unlicensed taxi to get to the subway.  The guy started asking questions but Jaden started answering in definitive "yes!" Or "no!" responses with an occasional "I don't think so."  I guess he thought it rude that we weren't answering and decided to take things into his own hands.  We made it home, safe and sound.  Tim looked like an old pro in the subway station.  I was impressed.  :)
We met the other family that is adopting a little one tomorrow.  She is a few months younger than Katie but has been in foster care, not the orphanage.  They won't have known each other but it will be nice for her to have another little for the rest of the trip.  They also have a daughter that is a year older than J on the trip.  She and Jaden had a great time in the play area together.
It is now 3:15 am and time to try again to get some sleep.  Thanks again for all the prayers!  Six hours and 44 minutes.

Fun in Chengdu!

April 13, 2014, 12:28 am

Today was a busy day!  We walked the riverside and saw people having work done on their toenails by sketchy looking people with carts, people getting haircuts and what looked like an entire construction crew napping on benches.  We used the hotel pool, which felt lovely!  We also ate in a little cafe that was sort of open air that sold sandwiches, waffles (with fruit, ice cream and whipped cream, YUM,) and coffee.  Jay spent time working on homework with his daddy while I napped.  Altogether, we had a nice day.

My internal clock is so messed up!  I am wide awake and not even a bit sleepy.  Luckily Jaden's clock seems better than mine; he's sound asleep in Katie's crib.

He was so excited when they wheeled her bed into our room.  First he put her baby doll that NaiNai gave her in the crib and later added another couple of toys.  All day he has been getting in and out of it.  I wonder if it reminds him of his time in the orphanage?  He never spent time in one with us as we wanted that extra bonding of sleeping together for a while.  At home, he has been in his own bed for months now but still misses it.  When Karen asked him what the best part of our spring break trip was, his answer was "Sleeping in mama and baba's bed!"  We plan to just have all 4 of us pile into our bed while we are here in China.
It is very unreal to me that Katie only has one more night in an orphanage!!!  It is so weird to realize that really has no idea how much her little world is about to change.  I  wonder how long it will be until she understands that we love her?  Jay seemed to understand within a matter of days, some kids literally take months and months.  She has so many people in the states just waiting for a chance to love on her, I pray that her little heart will let us all in.  We plan to "cocoon" for a little while.  The adoption experts tell you to work hard in the beginning to teach her the difference between family and other.  She has essentially never had family.  In her orphanage they try to assign the same worker to the same group of kids daily so they get a sense of continuity.  In theory it helps them learn to attach more easily but also often makes the grieving process harder.  I've been praying that she allows us to comfort her.

Tim and I both prayed a lot last night.  Both of us admitted to the other that we kept falling asleep while in prayer, waking up and apologizing to our Father, and starting praying again.  There is nothing quite like adoption to improve your reliance on Him--there is no other choice--and increase your prayer time.   I started to say that He is probably tired of hearing about her from all of you in the US and the 3 of us here but reconsidered.  I never get tired of people talking to me about any of my kids and He is such a better parent than I, I'm sure this makes his heart sing.  Please join me in  keeping His heart happy for a little longer.