Actually, I should say leaving tomorrow for Hong Kong. I am so excited that it is finally here. All the preparation makes it a little hectic and it certainly doesn't help that I was on the Walk from Thursday to Sunday. Monday I recovered. Luckily, I had mostly packed before I left, knowing that I would be a little brain dead. :)
I keep looking at pictures of Katie and wondering what she will be like. I have this image in my head of a solemn, quiet little girl. Perhaps that is just what she looks like and she is actually a wild girl or perhaps a picture is worth a thousand words and she is a quiet little girl. I look at pics of Jaden at Gotcha and in the days that followed and although he looked pretty happy, it is easy now to see the fear in his eyes. My heart hurts for what I know Katie is about to go through. While we know that she will have a much better life than she would have had in the orphanage, at 21 months, all she will know is that she is being taken away from everything and everyone that she has ever known. In her orphanage, they try to assign a primary caregiver to a set of 4-5 children so that even though they are in a setting much like a daycare, they have a constant set of kids that are around them and a steady adult to (hopefully) attach to. We know that she will grieve for the children and the nanny but hope that she will allow us to comfort her. I really hope that having a little big brother with us will help her, too.
I also worry about my other kiddos. This will be the first time Jaden will be back in China, I think we have fully prepared him but I know some kids worry in that situation that they are really being "returned." I think he is so well attached that he won't worry about that but denial is a wonderful thing. Hopefully, I have a realistic idea of what to expect from him. My bigs are staying home and while they are certainly adults at 24 and 21, they are still my babies. It seems that everytime we leave the country without one of them, something yucky happens. Please, kiddos, no trauma or drama, while I'm gone. :)
Our basic itinerary is:
Fly out Wednesday 4/9 to HK, fly 4/11 to Chengdu, fly 4/18 to GZ, long van ride 4/23 to HK and stay at Disney for a couple of nights and then the Marriott in HK (It was cheaper by a lot to fly home on a Monday so we're staying a couple of extra days), then fly home 4/28 getting home at about 8 pm.
I hope to blog while in China and would love for everyone to keep up with us. Prayers are gratefully accepted. :) For now, everyone please pray for Katie's transition, for travel safety for all of us and for Jaden's trip not to cause him undue emotional pain, and no trauma/drama with my big kids.
Off we go!! Katie, Mama and Baba and xiao Gege are coming!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
New pictures and we are getting closer!
On March 11, 2014 we received our Consulate Appointment (CA) date. That is usually a huge day because it comes a day or two after getting the exciting news that you have Travel Approval (TA), and it is the day that you really start to scramble to get tickets booked and plans made. For us it was a little bit anti-climactic. We had already booked tickets because we knew we had the 3 week delay (based on our scheduled commitments that we could not cancel) and felt comfortable that we wouldn't need to change the tickets. Plus the excitement of the TA had worn off because it had been about 5 days since we had received it.
Our caseworker was actually in China when we got our TA visiting the SWI (orphanage) that Katie is living in, and so she was not in town to process the CA's and other random alphabet soup items that we are so obsessed with in the adoption world. We knew she would be horribly backed up in her emails and work and so we told her that since ours was the least pressing that she should feel free to take care of the others' kids first. Having said it, it wouldn't have been very nice to pester her :) and so we waited. The good news is that we did get the date that we wanted and we will be able to use all of the hotel and air fares that we booked, yea!
On March 12, Tim and I celebrated 26 years of marriage by taking care of a sick boy. As usual, he was a very happy sick and so that certainly helped. All of this said not to whine but to just say that I was ready for some exciting news. This morning at 2:30 am, our caseworker sent 11 new pictures and a new video of Katie! She is just so gorgeous. The video is a little sad for me in that she is really still not smiling at all even when our caseworker and her helper are trying to tickle or peek-a-boo her. I posted a picture of her on one of my FB adoption groups and got many comforting comments from mommas who had the same worries with little ones that had never smiled while in the SWI but are always grinning now. It certainly gave me comfort. I wish I knew what was going on in that little mind of hers, and I wish there was a way to let her now that we are coming for her.
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I wish I could leave for her today and start filling her heart with love. I think she needs to relearn how to smile, and I think we are just the family to teach her. She has sooo many people in Okmulgee ready to give her love and kisses. Come on home baby girl. As Jaden would say, "We miss you."
Our caseworker was actually in China when we got our TA visiting the SWI (orphanage) that Katie is living in, and so she was not in town to process the CA's and other random alphabet soup items that we are so obsessed with in the adoption world. We knew she would be horribly backed up in her emails and work and so we told her that since ours was the least pressing that she should feel free to take care of the others' kids first. Having said it, it wouldn't have been very nice to pester her :) and so we waited. The good news is that we did get the date that we wanted and we will be able to use all of the hotel and air fares that we booked, yea!
On March 12, Tim and I celebrated 26 years of marriage by taking care of a sick boy. As usual, he was a very happy sick and so that certainly helped. All of this said not to whine but to just say that I was ready for some exciting news. This morning at 2:30 am, our caseworker sent 11 new pictures and a new video of Katie! She is just so gorgeous. The video is a little sad for me in that she is really still not smiling at all even when our caseworker and her helper are trying to tickle or peek-a-boo her. I posted a picture of her on one of my FB adoption groups and got many comforting comments from mommas who had the same worries with little ones that had never smiled while in the SWI but are always grinning now. It certainly gave me comfort. I wish I knew what was going on in that little mind of hers, and I wish there was a way to let her now that we are coming for her.
She looks physically healthy and although she is in many layers, she
doesn't look as tiny as they have said that she is. We'll see. In
looking for the one picture that I have of her smiling, the day of her
hand surgery in 2013, Tim and I made a cool discovery. She had her hand
surgery in 2013 on the same date that will be her Gotcha Date ... April 14. She
will have only had two April 14ths so far in her life and both will have
been life changing for her.
 |
| They called her "the smiley baby" in the blog. :) Notice she is already sporting her OSU colors! |
Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
TA!!!
Yeah! We just got word that our Travel Approval is on its way here! So, now we are certain that we will be able to leave here April 9th and have a 4/14 Gotcha.
These last few steps are usually fraught with angst but, with this adoption, we have avoided that by having pre-angst. (Hmm, that probably isn't a word.) I realized a few steps back that it looked like we would probably get TA about now, give or take a week or two. This has been very difficult for me, knowing that that would mean that we would have to intentionally delay our departure due to a prior commitment. Tim and I are both in the leadership team on The Walk to Emmaus as senior lay directors and there is no way that we can get to China, get Katie and get back before the first walk began. Ugh. I have cried some tears over this. I know that 3 extra weeks in the orphanage are PROBABLY not going to inflict any additional harm on my baby but...visualize knowing that your child is away from you in a place that is probably not heated or cooled, not getting health care should she need it and not being given either enough food or at least the right food to grow. (Last we heard, she is only in 6-9 month clothes and is 20 months old.) Not a happy picture. We have had at least 2 families in our adoption communities that lost children unexpectedly before they could travel to get them and I have had an unreasonable fear that Katie would get sick without me.
With this TA we could have had a 3/24 Gotcha and instead we have 4/14. I have finally (mostly) gotten okay with this. I have prayed over this and been able to quit the waterworks. If it weren't for the Walk to Emmaus, we probably never would have adopted and isn't that a scary thought when you look at Jay's beautiful smile?
Emmaus was a turning point in our christian journey and has kept us accountable. Usually, the Emmaus community is some of the happiest Christians that you can find and I certainly missed that when I was growing up. This is not to say that only Christians adopt but had Tim and I not strengthened our faith, it wouldn't have happened for us.
Our journey with Emmaus
has been such a blessing in our lives and has allowed us to be so much more comfortable in living our faith. I had only prayed with a tiny handful of my patients before our walk and it was my accountability group encouraged me to work on that. I did work on it and have been so blessed in return. I've been able to pray for patients with cancer, or unexpected pregnancy, or loss of loved ones when really, nothing else I could have done would have made any difference. Before my walk, I had not talked with my sisters for a few years. I made a commitment on my original walk to give up my unforgiveness (hmm, am I making up words again?). It took time and prayer and baby steps but I have been blessed to be able to work toward having my sisters in my life again.
An area I had not worked on was putting my God before my family and in fact have always said that I couldn't do that. I guess part of the spiritual growth that is going to come from this adoption is learning that I can, indeed, put God before my wants for my family. When my accountability group asked me why I didn't pray for more of my patients, I didn't have a good reason and so I changed. When they asked me why I felt ok putting family before God, my answer was "God is big and my kids aren't." I guess what I'm working to learn now is that "God is big and my kids aren't and He is going to take care of them in His greatness."
God, I know you love orphans and Katie specifically more than I can imagine. Please, keep her safe until I can get there. amen.
These last few steps are usually fraught with angst but, with this adoption, we have avoided that by having pre-angst. (Hmm, that probably isn't a word.) I realized a few steps back that it looked like we would probably get TA about now, give or take a week or two. This has been very difficult for me, knowing that that would mean that we would have to intentionally delay our departure due to a prior commitment. Tim and I are both in the leadership team on The Walk to Emmaus as senior lay directors and there is no way that we can get to China, get Katie and get back before the first walk began. Ugh. I have cried some tears over this. I know that 3 extra weeks in the orphanage are PROBABLY not going to inflict any additional harm on my baby but...visualize knowing that your child is away from you in a place that is probably not heated or cooled, not getting health care should she need it and not being given either enough food or at least the right food to grow. (Last we heard, she is only in 6-9 month clothes and is 20 months old.) Not a happy picture. We have had at least 2 families in our adoption communities that lost children unexpectedly before they could travel to get them and I have had an unreasonable fear that Katie would get sick without me.
With this TA we could have had a 3/24 Gotcha and instead we have 4/14. I have finally (mostly) gotten okay with this. I have prayed over this and been able to quit the waterworks. If it weren't for the Walk to Emmaus, we probably never would have adopted and isn't that a scary thought when you look at Jay's beautiful smile?
Our journey with Emmaus
An area I had not worked on was putting my God before my family and in fact have always said that I couldn't do that. I guess part of the spiritual growth that is going to come from this adoption is learning that I can, indeed, put God before my wants for my family. When my accountability group asked me why I didn't pray for more of my patients, I didn't have a good reason and so I changed. When they asked me why I felt ok putting family before God, my answer was "God is big and my kids aren't." I guess what I'm working to learn now is that "God is big and my kids aren't and He is going to take care of them in His greatness."
God, I know you love orphans and Katie specifically more than I can imagine. Please, keep her safe until I can get there. amen.
Monday, February 3, 2014
The importance of Feb 2nd ... and a lot of other unrelated thoughts from Tim
Tim here with some thoughts / updates. (I tried to get this done by Feb 2nd, but didn't quite make it.)
February 2nd.
That doesn't seem like an auspicious date on the calendar. There are no national holidays. There are no parades. There are not even any Hallmark cards that are sold because of that date. But it has become an important date in my life. I didn't even realize that until I was looking back at old calendars.
Over the span of the past eight years, several important things have happened in my life on February 2nd.
February 2, 2006 was the first night of my Walk to Emmaus weekend, a weekend which profoundly deepened my Christian faith and actually set the foundation for my eventual willingness to adopt.
February 2, 2011 was the date that we went to see Steven Curtis Chapman and Josh Wilson in concert, and the priorities of my life were changed forever.
February 2, 2013 was our last day in China before bringing Jaden home (a day spent at Hong Kong Disneyland) ... the last day that he was not a US citizen.
Some of the people that I know have heard a little bit about what happened at the 2011 concert, but I don't think I have ever shared it on the blog.
February 2, 2011. Life was great. I was very satisfied with my life and with how things were going.
Little did I know that my life was about to be changed ... for the better. That night something happened that I can look back upon and absolutely state was a game-changer for me. What was so surprising is that the catalyst of this defining moment was a song lyric that was printed on a T-shirt.
I was waiting for the doors to open at the Steven Curtis Chapman (SCC) concert in Tulsa. There were two other artists listed as well (opening acts), but at that time I didn't know any of their songs. I had scored some seats to the pre-concert group-meet-and-greet with SCC, and so I got to the church where the concert was being held pretty early. The outside doors to the church were open, but the inner doors weren't open yet so I was in the hallway just waiting.
In my mind’s eye I can still see the hallway I was standing in, see the crowd of people milling around, see the workers setting up the stands to sell the bands’ T-shirts and CDs. I remember exactly how I was standing and what direction my body was turned. Isn’t it amazing that sometimes a moment in time is fixed forever in your memory because of its importance?
As I was glancing over the shirt designs, the words on one of the shirts for the "opening act" Josh Wilson caught my eye.
"I REFUSE TO DO NOTHING"
That phrase stopped me in my tracks. For me it was a life challenge and a life message summarized in one sentence.
Once I got my seat, I Googled the lyrics to the song. The first line of the song reinforced my awareness that something important was happening to me. "Sometimes I just want to close my eyes / and act like everyone’s alright / when I know they’re not"
Then, during the concert, SCC showed a video about adoption. I had seen him at least twice before in concert, and at every concert he shows a video about the needs of orphans and the value of adoption. I had seen this at each of his previous concerts and had always thought something like, "yep, someone needs to do something to help those kids ... now let's get on with the show."
But that night I had been primed by the T-shirt's message, and my heart was not as guarded (or hardened) when the video started. After the concert I couldn't get the message of the video out of my mind.
This started a process which led me to evaluate what I was doing with my life, and ultimately led me to reevaluate my priorities in life.
I’ll admit, life was very comfortable at that time. Laura and Mitch were doing well at college, I had a great job and an amazing wife whom I love dearly, and my own little world was doing just fine on autopilot.
But several months earlier Tracy had mentioned an interest in adopting. I don’t know what I said out loud, but I do know what my internal response was: "Why would we want to do that?" You know … happy guy, happy family, comfortable little world … too blessed to take a chance like that … Being the wise woman that she is, Tracy just let it drop. (Incidentally, she doesn't say that it was wisdom that led to this but rather the fact that she was battling with the idea a little herself.)
I had not really given any further thought to that brief conversation, but after that T-shirt experience and the video in the concert, I began to evaluate my life and I kept coming back to the foreign and unexpected idea that maybe, just maybe I was supposed to reach outside of my comfortable life … maybe I wasn’t supposed to "do nothing" about those who are in need … maybe I should REFUSE TO DO NOTHING.
Ultimately this led me to being open to adopting.
Trust me, I didn’t get there overnight … it took several months of eliminating excuse after excuse. But I can definitely point to that moment in the hallway staring at that T-shirt as a turning point, a defining moment in my life.
... And Steven Curtis Chapman and Josh Wilson are touring again together this Spring and will be in Tulsa February 16th! I can't wait to experience this show again ... with Jaden in my lap this time.
Incidentally, Jaden has enjoyed plays and concerts ever since he became part of our lives. We got to go see Beauty and the Beast a few nights ago, and as always he sat enthralled the whole time. At intermission he was singing "Be Our Guest" and near the end of the 2nd act he turned to me and said "I want to see that again!"
He doesn't know it yet, but we will be taking him to see it again in 2 weeks, this time in Oklahoma City (and as an added bonus, we will be going back to the same auditorium where Tracy and I saw Jekyll and Hyde the night before we flew out to China last January to get Jaden.)
So what about February 2, 2013? We were in Hong Kong and visiting Hong Kong Disneyland for the final day. At that point we had officially adopted Jaden, but were in that strange situation where we were his parents but he was not yet a US citizen.
[Incidentally, we have booked a hotel in Hong Kong to spend a couple of days at Hong Kong Disneyland after we get Katie. Jaden was asking us to go play with him the other night, but we were going over details of the planning (well, Tracy taking care of all of the details and I was sitting next to her not really being helpful ... you know, the way we usually get our travel plans done!). Anyway, when he asked what we were doing, Tracy told him that we were making plans to go back and see Mickey Mouse. He was of course excited about that! But when we told him that this time his Mei Mei would be with him he had one of those bursts of cuteness that he is so adept at having ... he sucked in a big breath, froze, and then started shaking with excitement and let out a little breath of "wow!"]
Anyway, February 2, 2013 was another major transition point in my life. At that point we had been with Jaden in China for almost 2 weeks and had settled into our new relationship, but now we were taking the next step and flying across the ocean to bring him home. Things were about to change again ... for the better!
When we arrived in the USA it was February 3rd (incidentally, Super Bowl Sunday). You cannot take pictures in the customs area, and we wanted to get a picture of Jaden the first time he touched the ground in the US. As we carried him off of the plane and down the jetway into the terminal, we paused to put him down and take his picture. But he didn't want to get down. He wanted to be held (certainly understandable, with him not really knowing what in the world was going on). So I ended up holding him upside down, and the first time he touched the ground in the US was with his head!
A few minutes later his paperwork had been handed off to the customs officials and we were through customs and he was officially a US citizen.
When we arrived in Tulsa he had finally fallen asleep (in the 26 hours of flying / travel time he only slept a little bit, and it was right there at the end of that flight). Unfortunately, he is a bit like me and does not like to have to wake up from naps on someone else's timetable, so his introduction to family and friends was not too, um, peaceful.
He cried for about 30 minutes on the drive home (that was Laura's introduction to him ... Mitch escaped it because he had to go back to Stillwater).
We had thought that he would not like car seats since they don't use them in China ... basically the kids just sit free without car seats or seat belts in China, and so we had expected him to balk at the idea of having to be in a car seat. Fortunately, he has never fussed about being in a car set after that day :-)
OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS / COMMENTS
Jaden has enjoyed books since the night we got him in China. He enjoys lying down together and reading, and his library is rather extensive including books that used to be Mitch's and Laura's, new books given to him by Nai Nai and others, and books given to him by his friend Noah.
One of the things that we have always noted about Jaden is that he is drawn to Bibles. Regardless of what type of binding it has, regardless of size or color, regardless of anything that should or should not make a Bible stand out .... he is drawn to them. There can be a stack of six or seven books on a table and he will pick up the Bible and carry it around. When we go to a hotel (which he is always excited about), he will invariably find the Gideon Bible and carry it around.
(That reminds me of his fascination with crossed and roosters when we got him home from China. The first morning he woke up in his new home he walked around and explored, and was fascinated by the various crosses that we have around the house and also by the roosters (figurines, pictures, etc) that we have around the house ... and roosters are the image often associated with Emmaus, which has been so pivotal to the growth of my Christian faith.) (And when I went out to join Jaden after typing this ... he was walking around with two crosses in his hands :-) )
Anyway, back to the Bible story ... he was given a kids Bible at his adoption shower (that was given before we went to China to get him). He recently found it and he has been absolutely fascinated by it. He will look at it on his own for 30 minutes at a time, or he will have us read it all the way through in one reading and then ask us to read it again! He has been through the Bible more times than a lot of adults!
Since he has been home with us for one year, I went through our pictures from the last year trying to find a few that captured the main memories of 2013 ... there are really too many to put in a blog (I have narrowed our photos down to about 600 "absolute must use pictures" that will go into our 2013 photo book) ... but this next picture has always spoken to me for some reason.
One of my favorite pictures of our time in China is Jaden at the zoo in his OSU sweats. Those are also the same sweats that he wore home on the flight from China to the USA.
Those sweats were size 2T which aren't even close to fitting him anymore. It took me quite a while online, but I finally found the same sweats in 4T so we can get an updated shot of him in the same outfit when we go back to that zoo with Katie.
We have been gathering clothes for Katie, which is a little bit of a challenge because you never really know how accurate the information you get from China ends up being. From what we are hearing lately, though, she will be wearing smaller clothes than we had anticipated so we have been getting her smaller clothes to take with us to China. Tracy and Jaden were at Wal-Mart a couple of weeks ago while I was working on yet more adoption paperwork. While they were they Jaden told Tracy that we need to get a car seat for his Mei Mei. Tracy told him that we will probably get one online so we could pick the safest one for her. He was insistent that they get her something, so he ended up picking her some more clothes.
Jaden is so excited about Mei Mei coming home (although we are realistic enough to know that there will be times when he loses that excitement when he has to share our time with her.) Several times per week something will come up about her and he always gets excited about her joining our family.
His most recent excitement has been about the new floor space that we are having added to the house, a space that will be a play area for him and Mei Mei (and us). Tracy had the idea after seeing a post online about creative ways to utilize space above a staircase, and not long after that the first boards were being cut! This will be an added space which will tie into a small room upstairs that we have never really been able to use effectively due to its size.
Anyway, each day Jaden wants to see what has been done on this new area and now there is flooring down so he is able to walk around on it. Each time I mention that he and Mei Mei will be able to play here he gets such a beautiful smile on his face!
And just a few more pictures from 2013.
These are two of my all time favorites of just the two of us.
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And this one was taken at a little hidden pocket park at Six Flags, the same site that we have taken pictures of Laura and Mitch over the years as they have grown up.
And I know this blog is going on forever, but oh well ... here are a few more things.
As we near the end of the waiting period, things do start happening a little faster and so several important steps have been taken in the past few weeks.
Two weeks ago Jaden got his US passport ... he was VERY excited! When we applied for it a few weeks ago we explained to him that he had to have a passport like the ones we had (and we showed him ours) so that he would be able to go to China with us to get Katie. When his passport arrived I actually had thought that it was a book that Tracy had ordered online (Jaden LOVES to get mail, and she has been ordering books to come in occasionally so the package has his name on it). Anyway, I thought it was a book, so I handed it to him and told him he could open up his mail. When he opened it, though, it was his passport and he was ecstatic! Unfortunately none of the pictures that I took come even close to capturing his excitement.
Last week the US government officially gave us permission to adopt Katie. (Prior to that, they had given us permission to adopt "a" child from China but had not given permission to adopt Katie.) This was yet another step in the process, but after that we were able to do a couple more things ...
1) we sent off for the visa for our travel into China and
2) we sent off for the visa for Katie to come into the USA.
In order to get his visa to enter China, we had to sign a paper saying that he renounced his China citizenship. While I am obviously very happy for him to be a US citizen, it felt very odd for me to be the one typing up the letter renouncing his citizenship.
One last comment about "recent events" although it is not really "recent" ... When the weather got cold a couple of months ago Tracy pulled out her jacket that she had worn in China. In her pocket were two Chinese coins. When she looked at them she noted the dates they had been minted ... 2009 (Jaden's birth year) and 2012 (Katie's birth year). When she put them in her pocket in China a year ago we didn't even know that Katie existed!
And a few final pictures to share from the days after Jaden got home ... the first one was while Laura still lived at home (she has moved to an apartment in Tulsa since then) ... when she had to leave to go to school on one of the first days Jaden was here, he wanted to stay with her. She told him that she had to leave to go to school, so he indicated that he would just go with her, picked up his stuff, and tried to leave with her :-) And the other two pics are just one of great sibling love!
Sorry about the length of this blog, but I don't do many so I kinda save up my thoughts I guess. Happy February everybody!
February 2nd.
That doesn't seem like an auspicious date on the calendar. There are no national holidays. There are no parades. There are not even any Hallmark cards that are sold because of that date. But it has become an important date in my life. I didn't even realize that until I was looking back at old calendars.
Over the span of the past eight years, several important things have happened in my life on February 2nd.
February 2, 2006 was the first night of my Walk to Emmaus weekend, a weekend which profoundly deepened my Christian faith and actually set the foundation for my eventual willingness to adopt.
February 2, 2011 was the date that we went to see Steven Curtis Chapman and Josh Wilson in concert, and the priorities of my life were changed forever.
February 2, 2013 was our last day in China before bringing Jaden home (a day spent at Hong Kong Disneyland) ... the last day that he was not a US citizen.
Some of the people that I know have heard a little bit about what happened at the 2011 concert, but I don't think I have ever shared it on the blog.
February 2, 2011. Life was great. I was very satisfied with my life and with how things were going.
Little did I know that my life was about to be changed ... for the better. That night something happened that I can look back upon and absolutely state was a game-changer for me. What was so surprising is that the catalyst of this defining moment was a song lyric that was printed on a T-shirt.
I was waiting for the doors to open at the Steven Curtis Chapman (SCC) concert in Tulsa. There were two other artists listed as well (opening acts), but at that time I didn't know any of their songs. I had scored some seats to the pre-concert group-meet-and-greet with SCC, and so I got to the church where the concert was being held pretty early. The outside doors to the church were open, but the inner doors weren't open yet so I was in the hallway just waiting.
In my mind’s eye I can still see the hallway I was standing in, see the crowd of people milling around, see the workers setting up the stands to sell the bands’ T-shirts and CDs. I remember exactly how I was standing and what direction my body was turned. Isn’t it amazing that sometimes a moment in time is fixed forever in your memory because of its importance?
As I was glancing over the shirt designs, the words on one of the shirts for the "opening act" Josh Wilson caught my eye. "I REFUSE TO DO NOTHING"
That phrase stopped me in my tracks. For me it was a life challenge and a life message summarized in one sentence.
Once I got my seat, I Googled the lyrics to the song. The first line of the song reinforced my awareness that something important was happening to me. "Sometimes I just want to close my eyes / and act like everyone’s alright / when I know they’re not"
Then, during the concert, SCC showed a video about adoption. I had seen him at least twice before in concert, and at every concert he shows a video about the needs of orphans and the value of adoption. I had seen this at each of his previous concerts and had always thought something like, "yep, someone needs to do something to help those kids ... now let's get on with the show."
But that night I had been primed by the T-shirt's message, and my heart was not as guarded (or hardened) when the video started. After the concert I couldn't get the message of the video out of my mind.
This started a process which led me to evaluate what I was doing with my life, and ultimately led me to reevaluate my priorities in life.
I’ll admit, life was very comfortable at that time. Laura and Mitch were doing well at college, I had a great job and an amazing wife whom I love dearly, and my own little world was doing just fine on autopilot.
But several months earlier Tracy had mentioned an interest in adopting. I don’t know what I said out loud, but I do know what my internal response was: "Why would we want to do that?" You know … happy guy, happy family, comfortable little world … too blessed to take a chance like that … Being the wise woman that she is, Tracy just let it drop. (Incidentally, she doesn't say that it was wisdom that led to this but rather the fact that she was battling with the idea a little herself.)
I had not really given any further thought to that brief conversation, but after that T-shirt experience and the video in the concert, I began to evaluate my life and I kept coming back to the foreign and unexpected idea that maybe, just maybe I was supposed to reach outside of my comfortable life … maybe I wasn’t supposed to "do nothing" about those who are in need … maybe I should REFUSE TO DO NOTHING.
Ultimately this led me to being open to adopting.
Trust me, I didn’t get there overnight … it took several months of eliminating excuse after excuse. But I can definitely point to that moment in the hallway staring at that T-shirt as a turning point, a defining moment in my life.
Incidentally, Jaden has enjoyed plays and concerts ever since he became part of our lives. We got to go see Beauty and the Beast a few nights ago, and as always he sat enthralled the whole time. At intermission he was singing "Be Our Guest" and near the end of the 2nd act he turned to me and said "I want to see that again!"
He doesn't know it yet, but we will be taking him to see it again in 2 weeks, this time in Oklahoma City (and as an added bonus, we will be going back to the same auditorium where Tracy and I saw Jekyll and Hyde the night before we flew out to China last January to get Jaden.)
So what about February 2, 2013? We were in Hong Kong and visiting Hong Kong Disneyland for the final day. At that point we had officially adopted Jaden, but were in that strange situation where we were his parents but he was not yet a US citizen.
[Incidentally, we have booked a hotel in Hong Kong to spend a couple of days at Hong Kong Disneyland after we get Katie. Jaden was asking us to go play with him the other night, but we were going over details of the planning (well, Tracy taking care of all of the details and I was sitting next to her not really being helpful ... you know, the way we usually get our travel plans done!). Anyway, when he asked what we were doing, Tracy told him that we were making plans to go back and see Mickey Mouse. He was of course excited about that! But when we told him that this time his Mei Mei would be with him he had one of those bursts of cuteness that he is so adept at having ... he sucked in a big breath, froze, and then started shaking with excitement and let out a little breath of "wow!"]
Anyway, February 2, 2013 was another major transition point in my life. At that point we had been with Jaden in China for almost 2 weeks and had settled into our new relationship, but now we were taking the next step and flying across the ocean to bring him home. Things were about to change again ... for the better!
When we arrived in the USA it was February 3rd (incidentally, Super Bowl Sunday). You cannot take pictures in the customs area, and we wanted to get a picture of Jaden the first time he touched the ground in the US. As we carried him off of the plane and down the jetway into the terminal, we paused to put him down and take his picture. But he didn't want to get down. He wanted to be held (certainly understandable, with him not really knowing what in the world was going on). So I ended up holding him upside down, and the first time he touched the ground in the US was with his head! A few minutes later his paperwork had been handed off to the customs officials and we were through customs and he was officially a US citizen.
When we arrived in Tulsa he had finally fallen asleep (in the 26 hours of flying / travel time he only slept a little bit, and it was right there at the end of that flight). Unfortunately, he is a bit like me and does not like to have to wake up from naps on someone else's timetable, so his introduction to family and friends was not too, um, peaceful.
He cried for about 30 minutes on the drive home (that was Laura's introduction to him ... Mitch escaped it because he had to go back to Stillwater).
We had thought that he would not like car seats since they don't use them in China ... basically the kids just sit free without car seats or seat belts in China, and so we had expected him to balk at the idea of having to be in a car seat. Fortunately, he has never fussed about being in a car set after that day :-)
OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS / COMMENTS
Jaden has enjoyed books since the night we got him in China. He enjoys lying down together and reading, and his library is rather extensive including books that used to be Mitch's and Laura's, new books given to him by Nai Nai and others, and books given to him by his friend Noah.
One of the things that we have always noted about Jaden is that he is drawn to Bibles. Regardless of what type of binding it has, regardless of size or color, regardless of anything that should or should not make a Bible stand out .... he is drawn to them. There can be a stack of six or seven books on a table and he will pick up the Bible and carry it around. When we go to a hotel (which he is always excited about), he will invariably find the Gideon Bible and carry it around.
(That reminds me of his fascination with crossed and roosters when we got him home from China. The first morning he woke up in his new home he walked around and explored, and was fascinated by the various crosses that we have around the house and also by the roosters (figurines, pictures, etc) that we have around the house ... and roosters are the image often associated with Emmaus, which has been so pivotal to the growth of my Christian faith.) (And when I went out to join Jaden after typing this ... he was walking around with two crosses in his hands :-) )
Anyway, back to the Bible story ... he was given a kids Bible at his adoption shower (that was given before we went to China to get him). He recently found it and he has been absolutely fascinated by it. He will look at it on his own for 30 minutes at a time, or he will have us read it all the way through in one reading and then ask us to read it again! He has been through the Bible more times than a lot of adults!
Since he has been home with us for one year, I went through our pictures from the last year trying to find a few that captured the main memories of 2013 ... there are really too many to put in a blog (I have narrowed our photos down to about 600 "absolute must use pictures" that will go into our 2013 photo book) ... but this next picture has always spoken to me for some reason.
One of my favorite pictures of our time in China is Jaden at the zoo in his OSU sweats. Those are also the same sweats that he wore home on the flight from China to the USA.
Those sweats were size 2T which aren't even close to fitting him anymore. It took me quite a while online, but I finally found the same sweats in 4T so we can get an updated shot of him in the same outfit when we go back to that zoo with Katie.
We have been gathering clothes for Katie, which is a little bit of a challenge because you never really know how accurate the information you get from China ends up being. From what we are hearing lately, though, she will be wearing smaller clothes than we had anticipated so we have been getting her smaller clothes to take with us to China. Tracy and Jaden were at Wal-Mart a couple of weeks ago while I was working on yet more adoption paperwork. While they were they Jaden told Tracy that we need to get a car seat for his Mei Mei. Tracy told him that we will probably get one online so we could pick the safest one for her. He was insistent that they get her something, so he ended up picking her some more clothes.
Jaden is so excited about Mei Mei coming home (although we are realistic enough to know that there will be times when he loses that excitement when he has to share our time with her.) Several times per week something will come up about her and he always gets excited about her joining our family.
His most recent excitement has been about the new floor space that we are having added to the house, a space that will be a play area for him and Mei Mei (and us). Tracy had the idea after seeing a post online about creative ways to utilize space above a staircase, and not long after that the first boards were being cut! This will be an added space which will tie into a small room upstairs that we have never really been able to use effectively due to its size.
Anyway, each day Jaden wants to see what has been done on this new area and now there is flooring down so he is able to walk around on it. Each time I mention that he and Mei Mei will be able to play here he gets such a beautiful smile on his face!
And just a few more pictures from 2013.
These are two of my all time favorites of just the two of us.
And this one was taken at a little hidden pocket park at Six Flags, the same site that we have taken pictures of Laura and Mitch over the years as they have grown up.
And I know this blog is going on forever, but oh well ... here are a few more things.
As we near the end of the waiting period, things do start happening a little faster and so several important steps have been taken in the past few weeks.
Two weeks ago Jaden got his US passport ... he was VERY excited! When we applied for it a few weeks ago we explained to him that he had to have a passport like the ones we had (and we showed him ours) so that he would be able to go to China with us to get Katie. When his passport arrived I actually had thought that it was a book that Tracy had ordered online (Jaden LOVES to get mail, and she has been ordering books to come in occasionally so the package has his name on it). Anyway, I thought it was a book, so I handed it to him and told him he could open up his mail. When he opened it, though, it was his passport and he was ecstatic! Unfortunately none of the pictures that I took come even close to capturing his excitement. Last week the US government officially gave us permission to adopt Katie. (Prior to that, they had given us permission to adopt "a" child from China but had not given permission to adopt Katie.) This was yet another step in the process, but after that we were able to do a couple more things ...
1) we sent off for the visa for our travel into China and
2) we sent off for the visa for Katie to come into the USA.
In order to get his visa to enter China, we had to sign a paper saying that he renounced his China citizenship. While I am obviously very happy for him to be a US citizen, it felt very odd for me to be the one typing up the letter renouncing his citizenship.
One last comment about "recent events" although it is not really "recent" ... When the weather got cold a couple of months ago Tracy pulled out her jacket that she had worn in China. In her pocket were two Chinese coins. When she looked at them she noted the dates they had been minted ... 2009 (Jaden's birth year) and 2012 (Katie's birth year). When she put them in her pocket in China a year ago we didn't even know that Katie existed!
And a few final pictures to share from the days after Jaden got home ... the first one was while Laura still lived at home (she has moved to an apartment in Tulsa since then) ... when she had to leave to go to school on one of the first days Jaden was here, he wanted to stay with her. She told him that she had to leave to go to school, so he indicated that he would just go with her, picked up his stuff, and tried to leave with her :-) And the other two pics are just one of great sibling love!
Sorry about the length of this blog, but I don't do many so I kinda save up my thoughts I guess. Happy February everybody!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
LOA!
We have LOA!
The stork (better known as the FedEx man) arrived at our house on January 8th! (Happy Birthday, Aunt Tami.) We finally got the Letter of Acceptance from China that allows us to mark the box "Yes, we accept this child." We were actually approved on January 3rd which was my sister Kim's birthday and received it on my sister Tamara's birthday. My birthday is tomorrow, I'd be very happy to accept the next step, I800 approval, as my birthday present. With LOA in hand, it looks like we will probably have Gotcha day on 4/14/14. The next day is Forever Family day (when you go back to the SWI and officially sign the adoption papers) and, interestingly, is my only other sister's birthday. Weird.
Many of the agencies want you to wait until you have the LOA before you send any care package to the orphanage. They have had too many (and I suppose one would be too many) cases of the adoption falling through before LOA and the child having to be told that they didn't actually have a family. Since we have LOA, we were allowed to send a package to Katie. We sent her things to try to prepare her for the adoption. We sent her a soft photo album with some family photos and a silky pillow that also has a family portrait on it.
,+baba,+gege+(Jaden),+mama,+and+jie+jie.jpg)
We thought it might help her be a little bit familiar with our faces when she met us. Most of the children will never have seen an American face. They say the Chinese kids often call Americans "big nose" because that is our most different feature to them. I'm in luck, my pug nose should not intimidate Katie at all. :) We also sent cookies for the nannies and a memory stick (in hopes of them down loading some of her older pictures). We didn't send any kind of toys or clothes. In many (if not most) cases, the orphanages don't try to give the things to the children. It would be very difficult on the other kids who own nothing at all to see a select few have things of their own and hard for the nannies to keep up with who things belonged to if many of them got gifts. We know that at 18 months, Katie is probably not old enough to understand what is about to happen but once her package is delivered she will at least be introduced to the idea. It is so hard to know what goes through their minds at that age. What we do know is that in about 90 days, this tiny little girl is going to be taken from all she has ever known and flown half way around the world. She will leave behind all of the people that she has ever connected with, all of the scents and sounds and smells of her birth country. She will be loved, oh how she will be loved, but she will hurt and she will grieve.
I would ask all of our friends and family to be in prayer for her. Pray that Tim and I know the right way to comfort her and help her make the transition that her big brother made look so easy. Pray, too, for Jaden. Tim and I will work to help him know and believe that this trip is not meant to give him back. I worry that the the ayi's careless words (that we were bringing him back to the orphanage and had decided not to keep him) will echo in his mind. His faith in us will be tested some on this trip. In the long run, we feel that leaving him behind would be more detrimental and that by being there, his relationship with his baby sister may be stronger. I hope we are making the right choice; we think we are.
The stork (better known as the FedEx man) arrived at our house on January 8th! (Happy Birthday, Aunt Tami.) We finally got the Letter of Acceptance from China that allows us to mark the box "Yes, we accept this child." We were actually approved on January 3rd which was my sister Kim's birthday and received it on my sister Tamara's birthday. My birthday is tomorrow, I'd be very happy to accept the next step, I800 approval, as my birthday present. With LOA in hand, it looks like we will probably have Gotcha day on 4/14/14. The next day is Forever Family day (when you go back to the SWI and officially sign the adoption papers) and, interestingly, is my only other sister's birthday. Weird.
Many of the agencies want you to wait until you have the LOA before you send any care package to the orphanage. They have had too many (and I suppose one would be too many) cases of the adoption falling through before LOA and the child having to be told that they didn't actually have a family. Since we have LOA, we were allowed to send a package to Katie. We sent her things to try to prepare her for the adoption. We sent her a soft photo album with some family photos and a silky pillow that also has a family portrait on it.
I would ask all of our friends and family to be in prayer for her. Pray that Tim and I know the right way to comfort her and help her make the transition that her big brother made look so easy. Pray, too, for Jaden. Tim and I will work to help him know and believe that this trip is not meant to give him back. I worry that the the ayi's careless words (that we were bringing him back to the orphanage and had decided not to keep him) will echo in his mind. His faith in us will be tested some on this trip. In the long run, we feel that leaving him behind would be more detrimental and that by being there, his relationship with his baby sister may be stronger. I hope we are making the right choice; we think we are.
 |
| Jaden saying goodbye to his SWI, January 2013 |
Saturday, January 4, 2014
It isn't fair.
The steps in China adoption have changed a little in the last year. Last year, we had DTC (dossier to China), then LID (Log in Date), OOT (out of Translation) and then LOA (letter of acceptance). Now we have DTC, LID, OOT and then the Reviewed, Match Reviewed, Soft LOA and then Hard copy LOA. I'm not sure if this is good or bad but it is different. Now there are more steps so that you feel like you make progress but also more steps to get through. We are now Reviewed and on the way to Match Reviewed. If we don't get stuck on any of the coming steps, it looks like we may travel in early April. It should be a beautiful time in Chengdu.
The adoption world has been improved in many ways with social media. It is so nice to have a hundred other families going through the same thing, but it is also hard because of the very fact that there is not much rhyme or reason to how China processes their applications. On fb, we see women who log in later make two or three quick steps ahead and then get bogged down at a different step. It really works on some folks due to the absolute lack of "fairness" in the whole thing. I've got some fb friends that I know really hurt when they see others progress ahead of them. I get it. It isn't fair.
I've never been one to see good things for others as unfair to me, and that has helped me so much in this process. There are lots of biblical principles that I do struggle with, but I'm so glad that this isn't one them. Remember the parable in Matthew when the guy hires vineyard workers in the morning and agrees to pay a certain amount, at lunch more workers show up and they are told they will get the same amount as the first set. In the afternoon, more workers show and are told that they, too, will be paid full wages. When we studied that in Sunday school, I think my class thought I was a little crazy. I don't find any of that unfair. The full pay of the second two sets didn't reduce the pay of the first. The adoption process is like that. There are families that didn't show up until lunch and yet they are on their way to get their little ones. But you know what? That's ok.
It is nice to be able to rejoice, even when the others are making progress and you aren't. I woke up the other day with such a strong sense that God was reminding me that none of this was "fair." It isn't fair to Katie or Jaden that their moms couldn't take care of them, it isn't fair that it takes so stinkin' long to get our babies into their forever families. It isn't fair that my babies born in China didn't have the opportunities or exposure that my bio kids had, and it really isn't fair that there are so many of Jaden's orphanage siblings will never have any opportunity to be loved on. God never promises us "fair." He promises to be with us and to love us through whatever we are going through. He promises to love us even when we mess up and let jealousy or anger creep into this process. I still (sometimes) struggle with anger toward China when I hear how tiny my baby girl is or when I see the ground that Jaden still has to cover to catch up with his peers. By dwelling on those negative things, I was allowing "That's not fair!" to creep into my heart. I'm not sure why I was allowing that to happen but the changes that adoption brings to our hearts definitely shouldn't focus on those things. There is so much in this that is God-sent and wonderful; I never want to let the bad steal the place of all of the good. Yesterday, as soon as my eyes opened for the day, I "heard" God say, "No, it isn't fair, not to the kids or to either set of parents, but don't worry. I've got this." He wasn't telling me that our file would be on the fast-track; He definitely wasn't telling me that I didn't need to continue to do all that I could on my end to keep this process smooth. He was affirming that there is definitely going to be unfair parts of this whole process but that's ok. Katie will be here before I know it and I won't remember a time she wasn't.
The adoption world has been improved in many ways with social media. It is so nice to have a hundred other families going through the same thing, but it is also hard because of the very fact that there is not much rhyme or reason to how China processes their applications. On fb, we see women who log in later make two or three quick steps ahead and then get bogged down at a different step. It really works on some folks due to the absolute lack of "fairness" in the whole thing. I've got some fb friends that I know really hurt when they see others progress ahead of them. I get it. It isn't fair.
I've never been one to see good things for others as unfair to me, and that has helped me so much in this process. There are lots of biblical principles that I do struggle with, but I'm so glad that this isn't one them. Remember the parable in Matthew when the guy hires vineyard workers in the morning and agrees to pay a certain amount, at lunch more workers show up and they are told they will get the same amount as the first set. In the afternoon, more workers show and are told that they, too, will be paid full wages. When we studied that in Sunday school, I think my class thought I was a little crazy. I don't find any of that unfair. The full pay of the second two sets didn't reduce the pay of the first. The adoption process is like that. There are families that didn't show up until lunch and yet they are on their way to get their little ones. But you know what? That's ok.
It is nice to be able to rejoice, even when the others are making progress and you aren't. I woke up the other day with such a strong sense that God was reminding me that none of this was "fair." It isn't fair to Katie or Jaden that their moms couldn't take care of them, it isn't fair that it takes so stinkin' long to get our babies into their forever families. It isn't fair that my babies born in China didn't have the opportunities or exposure that my bio kids had, and it really isn't fair that there are so many of Jaden's orphanage siblings will never have any opportunity to be loved on. God never promises us "fair." He promises to be with us and to love us through whatever we are going through. He promises to love us even when we mess up and let jealousy or anger creep into this process. I still (sometimes) struggle with anger toward China when I hear how tiny my baby girl is or when I see the ground that Jaden still has to cover to catch up with his peers. By dwelling on those negative things, I was allowing "That's not fair!" to creep into my heart. I'm not sure why I was allowing that to happen but the changes that adoption brings to our hearts definitely shouldn't focus on those things. There is so much in this that is God-sent and wonderful; I never want to let the bad steal the place of all of the good. Yesterday, as soon as my eyes opened for the day, I "heard" God say, "No, it isn't fair, not to the kids or to either set of parents, but don't worry. I've got this." He wasn't telling me that our file would be on the fast-track; He definitely wasn't telling me that I didn't need to continue to do all that I could on my end to keep this process smooth. He was affirming that there is definitely going to be unfair parts of this whole process but that's ok. Katie will be here before I know it and I won't remember a time she wasn't.
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